Broken

I'm feeling broken. So incredibly confused and frustrated with myself. This blog turned into something so sad and depressing. I didn't want that to happen. I never wanted to be the Debbie Downer. I mean honestly, who does? Who wants to constantly bring down everyone around them? Unless of course, they are a vindictive sonofabitch.

Its been brought to my attention that I am severely lacking in quite a few areas. I've let people down or even become slightly offensive. I don't wanna be that way. At the same time. I'm completely wasting my life. On what you ask? On responsibility. I absolutely hate every single part of this life.

I am nowhere that I thought i would be. I'm nothing like I thought I'd evolve into and I certainly am nothing special. However, my hands are tied. So, the moral of the story is, Suck it Up Buttercup. You reap what you sow and I've sown my lot.

71

Obviously this year has been much less motivated than last year. I haven't felt like writing at all. Today, however I decided to write. My best friend for over 23 years is getting married this Saturday. Her wedding was a huge part of my motivation to make myself look better and feel better. I just didnt want to be her fat best friend at her wedding. Well, too late now. So, I'm just going to do my best to be as presentable as possible.

I'm resigned to the reality that is my life. At least for the moment.

I do want to share something here though. Just to maybe boost my positivity a bit. One thing I've always felt really great about is music. I'm really good with music. How it affects people what songs work where and just in general. I think it would be awesome to just create playlists for people as a job. I put so much effort and thought into each and every song. So, just for fun I'm going to include in this post the playlist I made for her Bachelorette party. Maybe someone will enjoy it. There was one playlist that was given to each guest on a CD to take home with them. The other was just for listening all day/night during activities.

Ashley's Bachelorette Party Playlist-Guest CD:
1. Always Be My Baby-Mariah Carey
2. Cheers (Drink to That)-Rihanna
3. Hey Baby-Bruce Channel
4. Lights- Ellie Goulding
5. Sukiyaki- 4 pm
6. On the Floor- Jennifer Lopez
7. My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)- En Vogue
8. Somebody That I used to Know-Gotye
9. Hold On-Wilson Phillips
10. Girl On Fire-Alicia Keys
11. Mercy-Duffy
12. We Got the Beat-Go-Gos
13. I Love It-Icona Pop
14. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun-Greg Laswell
15. Holy Grail-Jay-Z (feat. Justin Timberlake)
16. Let's Stay Together-Maroon 5
17. No Diggity- Blackstreet
18. A Thousand Years-Christina Perri
19. We Belong- Pat Benatar
20. Marry Me- Train
21. You Belong to Me-Jason Wade

108 days

There are 108 days until I am 31. I haven't written anything on here in over a month and before that it was so sparse that really it didnt count.

Do you ever have those moments when you realize you are the societal equivalent of a terrible person?


I am a terrible person. I am ruled by my emotions and my desires and truly wish things could be different.

I am tired of always being "That Girl" it's an awful feeling that I shoudl never have to experience, and yet I experience it every single day.

131

Life is passing by. I'm not motivated to do much of anything. I'm frustrated and sad and just disappointed all the time.

I bought a new car two weeks ago. It's a 2013 Nissan Rogue. I like it. Now I just wish I could find a new place to live.

Need to win the lottery.

Oh and East Coast is still around just don't know for how long.

151

I know I've been really lacking this year. It's just been one disappointment after another. 

I didn't get something I was wishing and hoping to get, I haven't  found something  I was sure I had and honestly I'm just really disappointed in people.

I'm so sorry. 

K

177-166

I've been MIA lately. I apologize. I've just not had much to say.

I hope to have some good news shortly.

K

179-178

Kristi Lynn. You need to get yourself in check. 

Times they are a changing. You need to change with them.

Ok, that's all for tonight.

K