169

Everybody lies. They all also cheat. No one tells the truth. Those that do are just lying to themselves

170

Well, if I was anyone reading this pathetic excuse for a blog, I would've given up by now. Everyone seems to think I have this amazing gift for words, but it's funny because when you go to write them down? Nothing. I have absolutely nothing.

I'm so tired of this roller-coaster of emotions that I've been on lately. I'm more than half-way into the year and I've got pretty much nothing to show for it. I'm devastated that my body is betraying me. I told it that I wanted to change. I gave up one of my absolute favorite things Bread and all things containing gluten. I gave up my favorite bevarage, Mt Dew. I drink smoothies and I eat vegetables when I can stomach it. I'm soooo annoyed right now.

I wanted a change and you know what I got? I got the same old Kristi with stupid little complications that make my life miserable. I'm broker than a joke. I wish I had a house. My friends...well let's just say I only hear from them when they need something. I'm about sick of that as well.


I am NOT here to be used, but apparently that's going to be my lot in life. I fix everyone else but myself. I'm so incredibly sick of it.

I give up.

171

Pretty sure I've got strep. Wtf is wrong with me? Why does my body hate me?

Grrrrr

173, 172 & 171

Wow, I'm really slacking lately. Can you tell that I'm in a period where I just want to give up. I've been so exhausted lately from my life.

AWFUL!!!
I'm so tired of having to fix everyone. I can't fix myself at all. It's awful.

I feel like I have strep again. So I guess cheers to me. Hopefully this will be done soon.

175 & 174

Just wanted to share a few pictures.

Here's what happens when I go for a walk with Speedy Gonzales, AKA Sassy.




Here's my beautiful baby soaked with sweat and GROSS-O!!!

 Wyatt's Daddy

 A Beautiful Relationship. I love this picture. I'm so happy I captured it!!!

176

I just want to say that Domata makes the best Gluten Free Pizza Crust mix EVER!!!! I love it. It's so nice to just use the flour add my spices and cheese, add toppings and VOILA!! Excellent gluten free pizza.

:)

177

It's amazing to my how much simpler life is when you don't really have anyone to answer to but yourself. I'm disappointed in people. I"m disappointed in how they act, and what they do.

My son is far from perfect, but I can tell you if he EVER acted like a snot-nosed brat like some kids I know, he'd be in HUGE trouble. No question about it.

So, with that said, I love my baby.

Cheers!!

178

Boo that's what I have to say about that. Really wish I had a better handle on things.

Life is so simple when it has nothing to do with me. I can fix everything else. So simple. Just can't ever fix myself.

Sigh

179

Well, I still weigh exactly the same. Still look exactly the same. Also, pretty sure a certain extra curricular activity is going to go up in price.

Really? June 2012 sucks. I pass. Let's move on. :(

180

So, I did something different today. I recorded myself on my phone singing Wyatt's Lullaby, and posted it to YouTube. lol This is a lullaby I have been singing for years. You cannot find it ANYWHERE in it's full content and honestly, I just thought there should be one out there. It might be a little different than what it was originally, but this is my son's lullaby now. Just wanted to share.

Hope you enjoy.

181

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there!! Today was a fairly good day. Got some new dressings to try on my chicken breasts. LOVE YOU KRAFT!!!!!

Had a nice dinner at my parents. I was reminded that I have a really great family. Duh! lol my mom is the best and my dad's pretty cool too.

Still holding on to hope that I'm gonna get this life-change going!!!

183 &182

I seem to have the hardest time remembering to post on Fridays. All the excitement of not having to work for a couple days I think. Anyhow.... Nothing too exciting to post.

I had a really crappy night actually. I went to try on some summer dresses because I've been feeling skinnier and smaller and all that good jazz.

HUGE MISTAKE!!!!!!

I looked about 8 months pregnant in every single dress I tried on. It was awful. Depressing. Sad and just plain ridiculous. Honestly, I don't know that losing weight is even going to matter. I have the stupid hump on my neck/back from 29 years of carrying around extra boobage. I mean really? Am I always going to look like this? 

N OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this is about the God damn year of change and I swear I am not going to let myself down. 

I have given up Mt Dew by God. I should be able to lose 30 lbs. I'm still bound and determined.

(sigh) hopefully things get better.

Lots of Love,

Kristi

184

Why?

Why do people have to make their lives so hard for themselves? It shouldn't be like this. I just don't get it.

If you aren't happy with what you've got, fix it. If you can't fix it, then keep it to your goddamn self. Here's the deal and the truth about secrets as explained by Erin Morgenstern in her Fantastically amazing book The Night Circus All credits and legal props to go to Erin. None of the information is mine.

"Secrets have power, " Widget begins. "And that power diminishes when they are share, so they are best kept and kept well. Sharing secrets, real secrets, important ones, with even one other person, will change them. Writing them down is worse, because who can tell how many eyes might see them inscribed on paper, no matter how careful you might be with it. So it's really best to keep your secrets when you have them, for their own good, as well as yours.

"This is, in part, why there is less magic in the world today. magic is secret and secrets are magic, after all, and years upon years of teaching and sharing magic and worse. Writing it down in fancy books that get all dusty with age has lessened it, removed its power bit by bit. It was inevitable, perhaps but not unavoidable. Everyone makes mistakes."


I am obsessed with this book and the story it tells. I say that it tells the story and not the author because I feel like this is the kind of story that comes across different to so many people. But that's a story for another day. For today, it's just the truth. If you cannot contain yourself or the secrets you hold, then don't find yourself in the position to keep secrets. I have definitely been in the position to hold my secrets ones given to me or ones of my own, and found myself inadequate. I was always inadequate and the truth is that once you share that secret, it is NO LONGER a secret. I have learned the hard way in years past, that this is not the best practice.

I now have a secret that I haven't shared with anyone, and I think that is the best practice. Every single time I've ever shared a love, or a possibility with anyone, even my best friend, bad things tend to happen.

Just take my advice, and if you have a secret, you should keep it.

I'm  hoping for the best outcome.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

185

Sometimes, I am a really really bad person. Do you ever feel like that? Like if someone were watching your life as a movie they would consider you the "villain?" Yeah, that's me. I'm TOTALLY the villain. However, does it ever occur to anyone how much more FUN the villain has?

CUZ WE DO!!!!!

hahah just sayin'. I made dinner with the love/lust of my life tonight. Or rather, he and I were on the phone the entire time he was cooking. I really wish he would just COME HERE!!! it could be that we'd never like each other in person. We might be awful in bed together. You never know. I just hate the whole not knowing part.

JASON LONG you NEED to come see me. DAMMIT!!!!


Lots of Love,
Kristi

185-Cleanse Day 9

I hopped back on the bandwagon. Everything went great today. I'm really feeling a difference with this stuff. I've modified it to be exactly what I need it to be, and I truly believe in the power of  your mind, so I wanted it to work and it is!!!

186

Took a break from the cleanse again today. Will get back with the program tomorrow. I can't believe I'm half-way through the year. I cannot BELIEVE that I will be 30 in 6 months.

I want to be skinny dammit. I really do. I want to feel more beautiful. I want to feel more like me. Where's Kristi? The 365 day project has really been interesting. I'm hoping that by the end of this year, I find at least most of her.

Lots of Love,
kristi

187- Cleanse Day 8

No adverse effects from starting back up today. Shake was yummy.

I'm almost completely halfway through my year. 6 months left and I know that's enough time but I'm failing miserably.

Keep thinking I'll start seeing a change and I'm just not. I know miracles don't happen overnight but I feel like I'm falling into melancholia. I don't like it.

Here's hoping tomorrow will be better.
Kristi

189- Cleanse Day 7

Took a break from the cleanse today. I didn't think it was good when I hadn't really eaten much all day. Soooo it's back to it again. Once again I'm always making things accustomed to myself. Lol

So, I feel so off lately. I kind of feel lie I'm missing something.

I'm going to leave you with a passage from one of my favorite books tonight.

The circus arrives without warning...


More tomorrow.

Night

190- Cleanse Day 5 and 6

Yesterday I had no ill effects. Just felt normal all day. Not sure if my system has become accustomed to the product or if the one day of rest really helped.

Today the same. I feel pretty normal and haven't had any ill effects. I'm actually kind of constipated now though so maybe I should add the third pill of aloe and fiber back in. Gonna try that tomorrow.

Lots of love,
Kristi

191 & 190

Sometimes I really hate being me. I know that a lot of people have benefitted from my mistakes and I'm thankful that i can share my heart and wisdom with others. So, let me share with you, don't let anyone steal your happy. Once you have it, it's the thing that I feel you should never let go.

I wish you all a life of happiness to be cherished always!!!

192- Cleanse Day 4

Soooo....why can't my stomach look like hers? I don't think it's fair. ☺

Hello my friends!!  I took a much needed break today from the cleanse. I know that it says it's gentle, and it is gluten free, however, my body is extremely sensitive and was not handling it well.

********Graphic Information Follows*******************










I had the worst case of hemorrhoids today. I wanted to cry my eyes out, and almost did a couple of times.

*************Okay back to normal now*****************************************

Let's just say that I'm modifying the recommended instructions for me personally. I'll be back to taking everything tomorrow. That is with the exception of the Super Green Daily, which I have to tell you I cannot quite stomach. I MAY try taking it as a shot to see if I can get past the taste, which is atrocious. In my opinion anyways.

I find the Protein Powder completely doable. I figured out a little trick to get it to blend better with my morning smoothies.

2 TBSP Protein Powder
4 TBSP extremely warm water.

Mix until blended then pour into the blender with my other ingredients of choice and VOILA no powdery substance remains in my drink and it just tastes smooth and a little sweeter. I'm sure a million other people do this as well, so nothing super special about me, but if you happen to run across my blog post and it helps you? Then I'm stoked!!

So, back on the wagon tomorrow folks. I haven't weighed myself this week, I'm thinking I might wait until next Wednesday when I've been on this cleanse for a good week before checking. I don't feel any lighter, but my Mom says my skin is kinda glowy. I will TAKE that compliment!!!

I'll keep you posted!!

Cheers,
Kristi

193- Cleanse Day 3

Well, as gentle as this thing says it is. I'm here to tell you that my butthole hurts like a sonofabitch!!!!

I've been going to the bathroom pretty much nonstop! I am praying that this pain goes away and I just start feeling better and losing weight.

Or at least I am hoping that the cleanse is doing its job and getting all the nastiness out of my system!

193- Cleanse Day 2

Definitely more bathroom activity today.I feel as though it may actually be doing something so I will keep you posted

193- Cleanse Day 1

So, as I mentioned I am starting the RawJuvenate 14 Day cleanse today.

14 Day De-tox

I had a smoothie this morning with 2 tablespoons of the Pea Protein powder and 1TBSP of the Super Green Daily. To be absolutely frank, I thought it tasted okay at first. I really like the smell of the powder. However, the taste was a bit unique. I could almost feel the texture in my smoothie, which I thought was bizarre. I'm just trying to be 100% completely honest about this. I'm hoping that I'm diligent enough to comment on the progress every single day.

I also have been taking the Fiber pills and Aloe pills 30 minutes before a meal on an empty stomach. They have no smell and no taste, just regular little capsules.

So far...I don't feel any different. I haven't had any big urgencies to go to the bathroom. lol So, I guess you could say I'm happy about that. I am hoping at the very least, to feel cleaner, or to at least feel more energy.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

194-Question

What confuses me about people, is their constant need to to contradict themselves. I see posts on Facebook all the time about men who don't get to see their kids, or women who want men to see their kids. Dead-beat Dads and Baby Mama drama. The thing that makes me laugh is when the same women turn around and do exactly what they are complaining about. Or they'll post on another person's page expressing sympathy about it.

Makes me want to VOMIT!!!!!!! I'm so sick of two-face crazy bitches. That's right I said it. I know a girl, KLH and it isnt me, who is the world's craziest bitch. She is starting to completely and totally interfere with my life and honestly, some days I just want to go and take care of the situation. I'd have to restrain myself. However, the truth is no one deserves a beat down quite like this woman deserves a beat-down.

What a WASTE of space completely.

UGHHHH

Also, still fat, pissed about it, gonna try and be really really good for two weeks and see what happens.


Lots of Love,
Kristi

194

Well, tomorrow I am starting my 14 day cleanse. Rawjuvenate. My dad bought it for me. I've been waiting for a good time to start. So no more waiting.

Two powders for my smoothies and three different pills.

I'll keep you posted every day.

Lots of love
Kristi

196 & 195

There are days when I am so thankful that I don't have anyone to answer to, and there are days when I wish I had someone to share life with.

I'm almost half-way to my mark. December 11, 2012. I don't feel a whole lot different, but when I sit and think about it, a lot has changed. Here's just a few things

1. I have Mt. Dew free for over 3 weeks.
2. I have been gluten free for over 5 months.
3. I have lost 15lbs
4. I am very convicted about changing my life.
5. I really truly want to lose weight and I plan on making it happen.
6. I'm much more connected to Dan and Sass, which I absolutely LOVE. It's nice to feel like we're on the same team.


So, even though to someone else that might not be a lot, to me those are huge changes.

Cheers,
Kristi