103

Can't post this on Facebook, too many people would be offended. So I'm posting it here. :)

Just an FYI: I don't begrudge you your beliefs. I begrudge you, the PURPORTED beliefs that you choose to utilize only when it suits your purposes. So, unless you are 100% invested in what you believe, and to be honest I can only name a few people that are, don't share them and dont spout them to me because they will be met with blatant disregard and dismissal.

104

Can I PLEASE catch a break? PLEASE!!!!!

106 &105

I need to get myself and my son healthy. Seriously people. We cannot go through life like this. I feel like Wyatt is getting bigger and bigger before my eyes, and it's not in a good way.

I gained like 5 pounds according to my doctor's scale and that just sucks.

What the hell do I do? I make excuses for this all the time but what the hell am I supposed to do?

Here I am running headlong into 30 and everything I thought I'd have accomplished definitely is NOT accomplished.

I truly feel like a failure. I know that this is an awful way to judge myself, but the reality here is that if you cant be hard on yourself then you have no right to be hard on anyone else.

I want so badly to not look at myself and think only about how fat I am. I want to look at myself and not think about those huge rolls of back fat. Or perhaps how about looking in the mirror and not seeing every single bad thing that's wrong with me?

Yes yes, women's body image, all bad blah blah blah. Well, that's all good and well, but that doesn't mean I don't know exactly how I look. I know how wide I am. I know that when I sit down my stomach is huge. I know my hair is thinning which just freaks me the EFF out.

What am I supposed to do here people? I'm literally falling apart. I've cut gluten out of my life and that has made a huge difference, but seriously it's also depressing. Gluten free alternative products are SOOOO expensive. Scratch that, healthy ANYTHING is expensive. Color me depressed.

On the countdown here, almost at 100 days and you know what. I'm just about ready to call it quits.

K

107

Okay, so am I moving into the healthy land or am I still stuck in modern bad habits?

I WANT things to be different. I've been trying and trying for months now to change my life. It was supposed to be a good year for change. All signs pointed to a good year for making such important changes to my life.

I'm still fat. I've lost 20 lbs but I still feel very failure-esque. I just are about 12 laffy taffys. Blah. So. Annoyed.

I am trying a new hairstyle though, pin curls, I've got about 10 in my hair right now. Gonna sleep in them and see how they look in the morning.

Love this website and pretty much everything on it

Pinupgirlclothing.com

Wish I was shaped a little different so I could wear all of them.

Sigh

Happy Sunday

108

Hate that the beginning of this song is cut off. But I just felt like sharing.

110 & 109

I can feel myself settling into depression. I can't figure out what's going on.

Sigh

112 & 111

See, I suck. Forgot again. One of the biggest lies people tell you?

Money doesn't buy happiness.

This is a LIE.

Just wanted to share.

113

Monday Monday Monday. Oh how I hate you.

This song has been grabbing my attention lately. I love me some Adam Levine. Cuz he so sexy.

mmm mmmm


Enjoy!

114-Song

Every time I hear this song, it just makes me sigh. It's a truly beautiful song.

Enjoy.

115 &114

So, is it that I've just forgotten my promise to myself or that I just don't care anymore?

I'm honestly not sure. I'm engrossed in day to day life and yet not engrossed. I don't really have a desire to do much of anything. I really feel that both Wyatt and myself need to do SOMETHING more to get healthier. I just don't think I can take feeling like crap anymore.

It's depressing.

So, I think I'm just going to post a song on here fo rthe next week. Maybe then I'll actually remember to post every day.


Cheers,
Kristi

120,119,118,117,116

Okay,

I've not only fallen off the wagon, I've inexcusably just screwed up. I can't believe I JUST now realized I havent written on here for days. DAYS AND DAYS!!!!

I was in a Car accident on Saturday which you should know because my last post was on Sunday. It's been an absolute mess. Dealing with the insurance has been ridiculous and dealing with me being frustrated was just as bad.

I now have a rental, my second mind you, and it's much better. I'm currently driving a Hyundai Sonata and I actually really like it. It's smooth and comfortable. NOT the Cube, but it's alright. :)

Wyatt had his first day of school Thursday and it seemed OK, not fantastic, but ok.

I got another spot award SO cool. I'm so excited that I've been getting those. It's awesome!!!

And yet, still totally broke. Hating life. Hating Gluten.

BLAH

More later

123, 122, 121

Well, It's getting worse and worse here. I KNOW I made the stupid promise to write every day and the truth is I have tons I could write about and say, but I just don't have the motivation.

Okay, so I've officially lost 20lbs since December 11th 2011. That's my biggest news...oh wait no it isn't.

Guess what I did last night? I saw 15, that's right 15 meteors!!! Karrie and Mark and I went out to the middle of nowhere and saw 15 shooting stars. I just think it was so incredibly cool. I made my quota of wishes.

Now, that the good news. The bad news...I got into a car accident yesterday. Some idiot kid rear-ended me on 23rd avenue and 41st street in Moline. I was sitting, STOPPED, waiting for a guy in front of me to turn and SQQQUEEEEEALL SCCREEECH BAM!!!!

Rammed into like a hammer. I was so freakin' shaky. It frustrates me. I'm devastated really. My new car. First car I got on my own. My little Nissan Cube. I freakin' LOVE that car. I love it, and now it'll never be the same again. Not ever. I'm like seriously devastated. :(

I have the worst karma. I really do. My sister says I killed Jesus, because no one could have as bad of Karma as I have without having done some sort of terrible awful thing in her past. Honestly, if this life is any indication...I most likely will not have a better life my next go-round either.

So, to recap. miserable, now in PAIN. Neck, shoulders, back head, legs. SOOOO achy. This week is going to suck sideways and I have no car and BLAH!!!!

124

Song Pop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol I'm officially addicted to social media games I think I may have a problem… But, that's okay.

So, I weighed myself again this week.I am still under that crazy weight that I keep thinking that it's a fluke.I just don't know. I haven't changed anything, I mean obviously I'm still not drinking Mountain Dew.I am not eating that much because hello broke as a joke.

I just find it odd. All that effort to eat healthier, drink healthier. All that jazz and when I give up? I lose 5lbs.

I'm actually almost at 20 lbs lost. I only need to lose 10 more pounds and I can chop off my awful hair!!! AND I'd I lose the 10 lbs before my birthday I will have met at least one of my goals this year. Whoo hoooo!!!!

Soooooo people keep your damn fingers crossed, cuz I really need to lose 50 before Ashley's wedding and I have a year for that. I can do it. I KNOW I can.

I am not going to be her fat friend. I'm just not. I want to be something completely different. I don't even mind your fiend with big boobs. I just don't want to be the fat one.

So, onward we go. No Mt Dew.

Cheers,
Kristi

126 & 125

Weight? Why?

Oh I know, because I can't make myself be healthy. I just NEED to be healthy!!!!


BLAH

129, 128, 127

Soooo........ just out of curiousity I Googled how many days until Dec 11th, 2012. Um somehow I missed 4 days of posting. I really thought I was at least on track. Well, I'm not.

How would you like to find out that there are actually four days shorter until you turn 30? WOW this year has gone by fast.

SHITTY!!!

Color me disgusted in myself.

So, I suck. We already knew that. I'm just gonna post a song I'm currently in love with by one of the best groups I've ever had the pleasure of listening to!!

Pentatonix!!
Enjoy the beauty that is PTX.

Cheers,
Kristi

131 & 130

Do I suck? Yes, yes at it happens I do. Man, I'm telling you I knew that keeping up with this thing would be difficult and of course, it has been, but we are dwindling down here folks.

I've got 130 days until D-Day and I've just fallen off the wagon. I want to not care anymore, everything I've been trying and trying to do for months and no results.

It's that whole big cosmic joke thing again.

I'm going to try to keep doing this. After all, I made a damn promise and a deal with myself. Soooooo
Onward ho!!!

K

132

I wish autumn would hurry up and get here.

I miss the smell and the feel of Autumn.

Still lost that pound btw which I think is crazy, honestly it's some sort of trick of my body just to make me think I'm doing better.

Will keep you posted.

Cheers

133-2

Why can't I read? I've been reading almost my whole life and I've loved it from the very beginning but I just can't seem to get up the energy to do it anymore.

I still have a book that is part of my series, no desire to read it. I'm in a funk, I know that but why is the funk taking away my reading.

I blame the tv shows I watch. I am seriously CRAVING to watch some Vampire Diaries again, who wouldn't want to stare at Ian Samerholder? HELLOOOOO Can you say sexy as hell?

but I just can't seem to find the desire to sit and read a book. Old or new. I'm sad and depressed wtih myself. ugh

I also fell off the wagon and had some gluten. I paid the price for sure, but the food was sooooo good.

Lou Malnati's pizza and Tiramisu.

UGh but definitely once again confirming that gluten is my Enemy #1.


So, again with the schizo stuff. I think I've just been off my game lately. I want a fresh start.

Here's hoping I stop being broke, stop being sad, stop being fed up and start being rich, happy and content!!

Cheers,
Kristi

134 & 133

I need a vacation. Honestly, you would never know that there are soooo many stupid people in the world.

I've been interviewing candidates to help with my work and I swear none of them can even say two words without saying "um."

I know that being nervous makes things difficult sometimes, but seriously people?

p.s. somehow I lost a pound? Not sure how...

135-2

Sometimes I swear I am paranoid schizophrenic. It's weird. I've just this little niggle. It's there for a reason. I don't have these niggles for the hell of it, but they make me look crazy.

I think I have issues. Oh wait...I KNOW I have issues.

I HATE BEING ME!!!

136 & 135

Went to Schaumburg yesterday with Ashley . Had the best day.

I forgot how fun it is to laugh and smile