315-50 days Today

Three hundred and fifteen days until THAT DAY. I can't believe it's been 50 days since I started posting every day. Wow...time really does creep up on you and punch you in the face. Then steals your wallet. What a bitch!

I'm still holding strong with the Mt Dew thing, as far as everything else? You'd think I'd be doing a lot better and have a whole lot more to report wouldn't you? How boring is this blog?! Seriously, I have a feeling I'm most likely going to read these later this year and wonder WTF was my problem. Clearly at this particular moment in time, I know my problem is that I'm sick, it takes me MONTHS to get over being sick, and also, I'm out of shape. Way overweight and I just want my life to change dammit. UGH!!!! I'm so impatient. I'm trying here. I'm REALLY FREAKING TRYING!!!

Note to future self: You are at that point Kristi. You NEED to keep at it. Just because you fall off the wagon once or twice doesn't give you the right to eat horribly for the rest of the year. You are NOT and I repeat NOT going to turn 30 looking how you look now. You are NOT going to turn 30 with the attitude, health and problems you have right now. Keep freaking doing it. Eventually, it will get easier. It will be like you've been doing it all along. I know it sucks now, I know it's hard and you just want to order pizza, but it has to stop. You make these promises and paint these pictures in your head of what you want to be but it never ever comes to fruition. WE cannot let that happen this time. Three Zero. It's a big number it's a CHANGING number, it's AWFUL. I know it's awful, but it cannot be avoided unless we die, which I would really prefer didn't happen. Sooooooooo.....please wherever you are in the journey we started 50 days ago, don't stop trying. Don't give up and keep on going.

Bright Spot of this week? Karrie is due to have her baby 02/02/12 and that is in two days....I'm hoping she goes soon!!! Keep your fingers crossed....oh wait... you probably already know the baby and he's part of the everyday family life....awwwwww give him a kiss for me and post a picture of him. :)

Okay, so now that the schizophrenia is out of the way. 50 days today. Seems a little hard to believe actually. I don't feel miraculously changed like a lot of people when they go on diets. I clearly have more to learn than most, but at the same time I think it's that I need to change more things. UGH why can't this just be easier.

I want to look like Stana Katic. lol

Thanks and Good-Nite

Lots of Love,
Kristi

316

...Captain's log stardate 5 bajillion million 8 thousand....the natives are getting restless...this whole process of changing a life seems to have instilled frustration and irritability in the subject.

lol okay I couldn't continue like that, but seriously I'm sooooo frustrated with this. You know I thought I had it figured out. It's the gluten, I told myself. That's what's causing the bloating and pain and blah blah blah. But you know what, I had just meat today and I'm feeling YUCKY. Full and crappy. WTF am I going to do. I thought I could see a change. A difference. (sigh) Until this body starts feeling better, I'm not expecting to feel all that great. Heartburn is bad today.

Love you all,
Kristi

317

I didn't forget today. I'm still feeling like these changes I've made, haven't truly made any difference. At least not in the end result I'm hoping for. I'm still ginormous if anyone's listening. lol typical Kristi, however, I'm hoping to kill her and replace her with Atypical Kristi. An extra letter always adds fun, after all.

I know that soon i will have a little bit of money. Not a lot, by anyone's standards, but a little so that for at least 2 weeks I will not feel entirely broke. I don't have a lot of big plans this year for what to buy, there were a lot of choices thrown out just to see how the idea sounded, fridge, camera etc etc, but the truth is, I'd really like to have some of that money in a month. That NEVER happens. no matter how hard I try to keep it, I always end up broke. It's a terrible horrible habit of mine. I know that I normally spend all my extra money on food. Well, I am probably going to do that as well this year, but it'll be a little different because I'm going to do my best to buy food that isn't crap. So, keep your fingers crossed that in a little over a month, let's say March 11th, I'll still have enough money to feel NOT BROKE.

P.s. I'd really like to get a HUGE bonus. I've never gotten one and it would really make my year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one too. I'm NOT jinxing it by writing it down, I'm talking the damn thing into existence. I will EXCEED and I will, by God, get a damn good bonus because I effing deserve it!!!


Lots Of Love,
Kristi

318

Just wanted to make sure I didn't forget today. So, I've had a couple doses of this Bactrim, and I have to tell you it makes my stomach SO upset. :( I mean I know you are supposed to take it with food, and I have been, but clearly I haven't eaten enough cuz wow. I've been nauseous all stinkin' day. blah.

So, I told my Dad about the whole gluten situation, he seems to think it might be a blessing in disguise. lol So, I think it's time for me to acknowledge, even more so, this life change of mine. I do not want to be old and realize I could've changed my life years ago. I mean, obviously that's still a possibility considering I'm almost THAT AGE, but I still  have plenty of time to get things in order. I've already taken that first step, I've gone almost two months with drinking only 2 Mt Dews or less per day. I'm spending a lot of time looking into healthier habits, while still enjoying the food I enjoy. I'm paying attention to how what I put in my body, makes me feel. These are all good baby steps. Let's just hope I can keep this going.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

319

I fell off the wagon. I've really been trying to be good the past few weeks. I think it must be, what would normally be my time of the month. Last night I wanted something sweet desperately. I had at least 10 oreos and then ate like 15 fish sticks. Sweet Baby Jesus, I am feeling miserable today. I'm pretty sure the whole "gluten" theory is a definite. I mean, I've not been religious  about it, but I've really been monitoring the amount I eat. HOLY CRAP, literally. I am bloated, upset stomach. Blah. Now, I realize that this could also be because what I was eating was just crap, but the reality is, it ALL had gluten in it and I just think it made me miserable.

Blah. My ear is still killing me. I give up.

Kristi

321 &320

I can't believe I forgot again. I am not giving up. I don't know what happened.

I need to come up with something better to say here soon. Have a great day.

K

322

bo·de·ga/bōˈdāgə/

1. A grocery store in a Spanish-speaking neighborhood.
2. A wineshop or wine cellar.

How many of you knew what that word meant? Every time I've ever read it in a story, it conjured images of ...well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not even sure. So, tonite I decided to Google it, after hearing it 3 times in episodes of Castle, recently. It's kind of funny because I hear it the most often in the In Death Series by JD Robb. It's weird how sometimes you assume something and go on for years in your life thinking something is one way, when really it's the other.

Ever come across things like that? I've always been a pretty serious reader. When I say serious, I mean I love to read. Its fiction, for me, that does it. To my way of thinking fiction is the BEST vacation. So, because I've been reading since I was 3, you could say I've been to a lot of places and seen a lot of things. Anyhow, back to my silly little point. An example of something being one way for years and then you find out the truth and it changes. Feel free to laugh your ass off, but for years and years I thought the word "idly" was pronounced id LEE. Yes, that's correct. I knew what it meant, because for me it's easy to determine definition by the context of the sentence. It's almost like cheating the system. Then, when I head it spoken, it finally clicked that I"d been pronouncing it wrong all these years. I was embarrassed for myself. Funny how life can do that.

Reading has shaped me into the person I am, and continues to make me want to strive to be the person I wish I was. I feel like I absorb parts of stories. They become a part of my life, my mind, my personality. For some reason, when I read a book, if it's a good one, there are parts of the story that stick with me forever. Scenes I guess you could say. At different moments in my life, I run through those scenes and wonder how the characters I love would handle it. Or, it just takes me away for a moment and makes me smile.

It breaks my heart that there are probably millions of people who will never know the joy of reading a good book. The pleasure in getting so caught up in the world of an author, that you dont' have a clue what time of day it is. What you were doing before you delved into the story. Why you can't put that book down. I hope that this is something my so will grow into, as right now at the age of 7, it's something he hates. I equate all of the knowledge and skills I have, to my love of reading. My views. My beliefs. My hopes. All thanks to the imagination of an author.

I don't know where that came from, but at least I didn't flake today.

Peace,
Kristi

323

323

There are days when it feels like the weight of the sky is on my shoulders. I’m no Titan and you may well know, a mere mortal such as myself should not even attempt to carry such a load. However, there are days…

Sometimes I think that it’s all this cosmic joke. That someone up there, out there wherever, is playing this real game of  Life with all of us as the players. Then again, that theory is just as crazy as any other. Depression is listed in the dictionary as such:

• Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
• A condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life.

Those words can apply to so many people in so many different stages of their lives.  Let’s dissect them for a minute.

• Severe Despondency-A state of low spirits caused by loss of hope or courage

How many times in my life have I actually used the word ‘despondent?’ I’m actually not sure, but the more I look at it, the more it seems to apply. Low spirits caused by loss of hope or loss of courage. I have most definitely had both of those. A loss of hope can be the result of a myriad of things. For me, it’s a lack of faith in myself. It’s the idea that I don’t have meaning as anything other than my son’s mother. For me, it can be that I’m invisible. I play a good game, and I can certainly pretend like everything is OK, but that’s just the actor in me. So,

Despondency? Yes, I have that. It’s part of that weight that seems to shove me down every once in awhile. Loss of hope? Check.

Mental Disturbance. I struggle to completely delve into this one, as it truly is more of a condition, that a state of mind. No pun intended, but I’m not a clinical professional, and so I don’t really feel qualified to elaborate on this one. However, for the sake of this post, let me just say, that all of us have felt, at some time or another, the “Mental Disturbance”  of emotional distress. Death, pain, heartbreak. These are all what I think could cause a “Mental Disturbance.”

Lack of Energry. HAH!! Who are they kidding? Lack of energy? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t regularly say they wish they had more energy. Do you know any mom’s out there that haven’t completely passed out on the couch folding laundry/sorting items/even vacuuming? I don’t. I know some moms that I would consider super-human who accomplish everything and do it so well that it makes me wonder, “what the hell is wrong with me?” I am so tired ALL of the time. Now, I know that part of that is because of how out of shape I am. What we eat, and what we don’t eat affects our body’s ability to function in ways we can’t even imagine. All the studies, all the information out there, still isn’t enough to tell us what a miracle the human body, truly is.

I’m going to  stop there for now. I think I’ve spewed enough sadness for the moment. But, let’s consider this. Depression has so many different avenues to choose from, I’ve been down that road and I’ve been helped. However, I no longer want the help I was once given, so now I’m on the road and I’m traveling along by myself. It’s hard to make the choice to try and fix everything in your life, all by yourself. But you see, that’s just it. No matter how many people you have available to help you, you still have to be willing to make the choice yourself. You have to fight for what you think you want to do with your life! It’s up to each and every one of us individually to make the choices that are right for us, not necessarily easy, but right. Depression hurts. It can be physical, emotional or even just mental. The thing is, its debilitating for some people and for others it’s just manageable. In the end, we all have to decide how we’re going to deal with it. Medicine. Ice Cream. Alcohol. Drugs. Food.

 Whatever the vice is, the trigger is the depression. I guess what I’m saying is, while I feel like Atlas, I know that the weight of the sky is not crashing down on me, and I have to be willing to say what I’m feeling and then find a way to deal with it. Hope I didn’t depress you too much. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Lots Of Love,

Kristi

325 & 324

First time I've actually NOT posted something, even if it was late. It wasn't a fail. Just a misstep. As everyone knows, we're human and we all make mistakes. Just because I forgot one day, doesn't mean I'm going to give up. In fact, it's something I normally do. Give up, I mean. So, I'm determined not to let that be the case this time.

Had an interesting day yesterday. Yes, I still have ear problems and apparently I'm going to be living with them forever, but right about now, I just don't care. It is frustrating and annoying and very painful, but I'm so freaking sick of thinking about it and dealing with it, that I've decided to ignore it. So, moving on.

I hope to have a better post planned for later. We're on day 324. What has changed? Well, it's over a month into my "life changing plan", I've had 2 or less Mt Dews per day for over a month, I've been watching my gluten intake, and I've been trying really hard to change my mindset.

I still have old habits that I just can't seem to break, but all in all I'd say that I'm on the right path. Let's just hope it continues.

Much Love,
Kristi

326

Tonite was Wyatt's first pinewood derby. He didn't win, of course, but he did get recognized for most creative car. Pretty cool, right? Wish my baby wasn't so upset about losing. However, lesson learned. We will kick butt next year!!

Love you alls,
Kristi

327

No cure. Apparently, I'm perfectly fine There's nothing wrong with me. So, back to square one and I'm miserable. I give up.

328

Tomorrow is the day. I'm going to the ENT and so help me God if I don't walk out with a cure, I'll just be done with it. Now it's feeling like the left side of my body is rebelling as a whole. Sooooooo.....I also think I may have a review to do. Maybe that's what I should start doing. Oh wait didn't she already say this about books? Yes, I did. However, why the hell not review every damn new thing I get sucked into reading. To be perfectly honest with you I think I am a sucker. Really. I. Am.

I seriously think that advertising agencies market specifically to me. Why, you ask? Because I'm totally suggestable (is that a word). Sooooo....I get sucked into infomercials like nobody's business. Its terrible. So, I bought WEN by Chazz Dean from QVC. ( I also love QVC, but that's a story for another day) Anyhow, I bought it and I was truly impressed with what it made my hair do...the first day. I have oily hair and so I ordered the Cucumber Aloe which was supposed to be for more oily hair. Anyhow, I definitely didn't have to use conditioner which was cool, there were no tangles, ALSO cool as I didnt' feel like I was ripping my hair out. However, there was this...burning sensation in my scalp that lingered as long as the wet hair was touching my body. Like menthol? Anyone ever experienced this? Well, anyhow, I wanted so SOOOO badly to love this "cleansing conditioner" the advert and spokesperson on QVC were talking about how you can even go a few days without washing it and still have beautiful hair. I'm here to tell you people that on myself, that was not the case. Within hours it felt greasy to me. It was soooo depressing. It was soft, and it is nice to not have to use conditioner, but I am thinking it might be time to try something else.

Now, you might be asking yourself, "Why would this money-constrained girl spend the bucks on something like WEN?" Well, self the truth is I'm a SUCKER!!! Didn't you read that part of the post? I would not dare say that all people who use it or try it are suckers, in fact I've had a lot of GREAT experiences with infomercial products and with trying something that was advertised. It's just that it doesn't seem to be working for me the way it should.

Here's my other problem: within the last year I've been trying to go Sulfate-free as it appeared that the "detergents" yes, that's right people DETERGENTS in regular shampoo were making my hair soooooo itchy. I mean I wanted to dig at my head with sharp implements and scratch away. However, I restrained myself to my fingernails, which....also causes pain So, where's a girl to go? WEN seemed like the answer I was looking for, but at $29 a pop for ...well NOT that much product, I'm thinking I need to try something else. I may update this post at a later date, but for now that's all. Off to do some research.

Happy Hump Day
Kristi

329

I. Still. Can't. Hear. The End


Okay, so that isn't the end as I've realized how UN-productive I've been around here lately. However, I'm freaking out about the whole not being able to hear thing. I'm seriously scared that I'm losing my hearing. WTF am I going to do people? Oh that's right, no one is reading, but SERIOUSLY?! I have my appointment Thursday with the ENT doctor and that's all fine and good, but now its been going on about 2 weeks of me not being able to hear properly and I can't live like this. Things sound so funny.

Okay, on a completely different note, I realized that this has basically turned into a big bitch session for me. I didn't intend for that, but hey, it's just for me anyways. I just am so negative and have been accused of such recently. While I realize that I am pessimistic and sarcastic as a general rule, I must admit that it is very frustrating to be called out on being negative. I mean...it's who I am, right?

Well, no. People can change, at least a little bit.


Isn't that what this next 329 days is all about? It's about me changing my life. I'm working on it, but I feel like I'm about at my "give-up" stage. Just don't care right now. I am living with this awful ringing/sloshy/pain in my ear and I can't live like this forever. Seriously, its awful and its nonstop.

Please GOD if someone is listening or cares FIX IT. Make me better so i can stop focusing on this pain and frustration and move back on to the changing my life. This is sooooo not what I mean when I said I wanted to change my life. I didn't say I wanted to go deaf.


K

330

I figure since I'm still awake from the day it doesn't count that its after midnight. I still can't hear out of my left ear. Its becoming a smidge unbearable. It freaks me out and makes me worry. I am going to an ENT on Thursday of this week and i am seriously hoping that I just have some crazy wax buildup and its nothing serious. Obviously, I am hoping this for more than one reason. I do NOT have the money to pay for a whole bunch of tests or doctor's visits. I'm already broke for goodness' sake.

I ate so crappy this weekend. I think I was doing good, and then confronted with easy pickings, I dove right in. I have no willpower. Honestly, its kind of a joke. Anyhow, let's hope in 330 days I'm not dealing with being partially deaf. Cuz that would really effing suck.

Happy Monday Peeps,
Kristi

331

Karrie's baby shower was today for the new baby. I can't believe she's due in less than 3 weeks. Which essentially means she could go at any time. I just can't believe there's going to be an infant. Well, we'll see how it goes. I'm just hoping she doesn't go with Xavier.

Still can't hear. Now i'm just miserable. Hope you have a fabulous week.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

332

Day ten million of the ear pain: Just forget it. I suppose I'm never going to get my hearing back. I'm getting a little bit scared now, but mostly I'm just irritated. I cannot continue with the pain and the silence. Its SOOOO frustrating.

Sooooo moving on to better topics. I am going to change my life this year folks. I'm bound and determined to be a better me. Seriously though, everything is so tempting. I ate Little Caesar's today. I'm actually not sure if my body is reacting to it or not. I just can't tell. I mean, I've been trying to be really careful with the whole gluten thing, because I really don't know if I'm intolerant or not. I know I LOVE everything with Gluten in it, but I honestly don't think I could tell you that I ever feel good. I do know that I've got heartburn issues today, I know that my stomach was upset earlier, and I think it could all be in my head. I tend to have pretty strong powers of persuasion even with myself. However, once again I'm reading all the information I can find just to see what's out there. Truly, if I'm honest I think there is entirely too much information. It's not anything like how it used to be where you could spend hours looking stuff up or finding magazine articles or medical journals with the information you were hoping to find. Now it takes seconds, minutes at the most. Of course it makes it possible to self-diagnose yourself with like a million things. (sigh) Oh technology why must you smite me?

I'm feeling so all over the place, but I missed my deadline yesterday by a couple of hours so I didnt' want to take that chance today. Moving forward with the new Kristi...still. Happy Saturday


Lots of Love,
Kristi

333

I can't believe with the number such as today, I didn't get around to posting time. I went to post like 6 times and just kept not doing it. I'm sorry Russians and random Americans. Gotta get some sleep though. I can't keep my eyes open Much love Kristi

334

Aaaaaaaand yet another day with ear pain and congestion. What is it about January that makes me so miserable? Honestly, its been kind of a theme for the past 4 years. Every January I contract some sort of sickness that keeps me laid up for at least a month. Its a curse. I HATE IT!!!! All of this "getting healthy" stuff and I REALLY am feeling like I'm finally ready to do it, and I can't even get healthy enough to walk around.

(sigh) I'm not making excuses here, I'm just miserable. Calgon!! Okay anyhow...I'm doing pretty good with the attempting to write something at least once every day. Also, now over one month of 2 Mt Dews or less. I'm attempting to monitor this craziness.

So, I'll be trying to read up some more on gluten, Atkins, and other options to possibly change my life.

Healthier Me in 2012 brought to you in part by, Mom-The Soul of the World.


Lots of Love,
Kristi

335

Shoot me now. My ear is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore.

336

Ever have those days where you are irrationally annoyed at the world? No? Never? Well, I have them all the time. Where the stupidest thing sets off my Harvey temper and I fly off the handle for no apparent reason. And then it dies back down and then it flies back up if provoked. Its really the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard of. I mean, this ear pain thing is completely and totally killing me. I cannot function properly. I'm out of coffee and that is just completely depressing me. My body aches. I'm feeling more and more crappy as the days go by. CALGON!!!!!!!! No really...did anyone get that reference? Oh wait. bwhahahahahaha no one is reading this blog. Its just for me, so whatever the hell I say doesn't matter!! Yes! victory. Okay, since this is just for me. Kristi, when you come back and read this later, you need to remember a few things.
1. You LOVE Inside the Actor's Studio. Just go watch a few episodes on Youtube and I promise it will make you feel better. regardless of what else is going on, its such an interesting show with lots of insight. Better yet, watch this one. Jim Carrey's impersonation of Andy Kaufman doing Elvis is ...well it gives you goosebumps. There's nothing quite like ITAS. I don't know why you can sit and watch episode after episode but its just...enjoyable and fascinating and whole slew of other adjectives that you can't come up with right now because of the pain in your ear. Moving on...
2. You LOVE PTX (aka Pentatonix). They shot straight to your heart of the gate from NBC's the Sing-off and you follow these kids on their journey because they truly are an amazing bunch. Here let me remind you in case you've forgotten. This performance is amazing. The truth is not only are they talented, they are currently ( January 10th 2012) humble and grateful and just all-around good people. I think they appreciate what they've earned and will continue to be a great group to follow. I'm happy to be a PTX fan and love what they do with every song they touch. A Capella is an art-form that would be so wonderful to have a little bit of back in the mainstream. I say HELLZ YEAH PTX Keep up the great work!! I'm looking forward to 2012 and their album.
3. If you've discovered that you are, in fact Gluten intolerant, I'm so very sorry and we'll get through it, one way or the other. Because we were considering it these last couple days and all we could think about was bread. Seriously, we have issues. Anyhow, if we aren't Gluten intolerant, AWESOME more bread and pasta please. However, we've committed ourselves to this endeavor of becoming a better us and by God, we're going to stick with it. And p.s. I just realized that the tenses in this post are ALL sorts of messed up. Oh well, if you are the random person from Russia reading this post, I apologize for the improper use of the English language, and if you're a random American reading this...um...where did you come from?

4. Another thing...just want to remind you that you love this kid. Regardless of the fact that he is giving you silver ( not gray just want to clarify) hair, he pushes your buttons and sometimes makes you want to kill him. In truth Wyatt is your salvation. The one redeeming quality that you have left. He's the best and worst of both you and Dan. Someday he will save the world. Or perhaps just enhance it, but either way he was meant to be and so he is. Hopefully, he will turn out to be the man we hope he'll be. 
5. Whether we know it, or admit or talk about it or any other sort of medium, You are a lucky girl. It sucks because its always a struggle and its always frustrating, but in reality we have SOOO much to be appreciative of in our lives. So much more than other people. Obviously, we have less than most as well, but seriously? You're doing it. Just keep telling yourself that every day. (sigh) even if it does make you feel like a poser.
6. This is OUR year!! Three ohhhhhhh is around that corner. 336 days m'friend. You will change your life and we aren't going to let fear or doubt get in the way this time. Its going to be different because there isn't any turning back. There ISNT another option for us. Its time to change what we think, what we KNOW and how we feel about it. Your body isn't supposed to be almost 100lbs overweight. You are NOT supposed to feel miserable every fucking day. You just have to start telling yourself this stuff every single day and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. We can't do it any other way or we'll just set ourselves up to fail. Its time.

p.s. Today is Zeke's birthday. He's 30 and of course, in typical Zeke fashion, he is taking it like a champ. Then again, if my life was where his is, I'd totally feel the same way. In any case, happy 30th to my annoying, loveable, frustrating, funny Brother-in-law Ezekiel A Morris.


Happy Tuesday and Lots of Love,
Kristi

337

Yeast infection in my ear? I beg your pardon doc, but I didn't think that was possible. (sigh) only in my world. Seriously, wtf? And I did have a chance to talk with doctor Bode about all the things I wanted to mention about changing my life. She looked worried about me. Lol I have to schedule a well visit so we can have more time to discuss it.

Its my year people to become a better me.

Much Love,
Kristi

338

So, weird weird weird. I had a dream about being gluten free. Yeah, does that tell you my subconscious is fighting it or WHAT? OMG I woke up and the first thing I thought was WTF Kristi?! I mean seriously? Who dreams about this shit? Me apparently.

I have been considering it very very strongly. I even went so far as to go to more than one store in search of Brown Rice Flour and/or brown rice pasta. (on my sis-in-law's suggestion as she is gluten-intolerant.) Anyhow, I found a small box of elbox macaroni at Schnucks and I am considering trying this "gluten-free" lifestyle for a minute to see what it might do for me. Now, the reality here is that I do NOT want to do it. At first I thought, eh it just bread, I have to cut out my favorite breads and such. Ummmm no, its in so many other things because in the USA we dust flour over pretty much ever single packaged food there is. And p.s. pizza is my absolute favorite food....and to not eat pizza? Yeah, see that's just crazy talk right there.

However, if gluten is what is making me bloat, giving me headaches and making me break out in little bumps all over, it might actually be worth it to give this a try.

I hate some of this though because it feels like I'm just jumping on this trendy bandwagon of "fanatics" that feel the need to adapt every single "new" trend as their own. I am so NOT trendy. Not even remotely. I'm really quite boring and my own person. Or at least...I used to be. I'm on my way back to Kristi here folks. It WILL happen. So, back to gluten. OMG I had a DREAM about it?

Seriously, I don't normally remember my dreams but I remember this one. There were famous people in it and we were having very serious discussions about becoming gluten-free and about the health benefits. ( I know I know: I dream boring) but seriously it was so freaky. Surreal kinda freaky.

But on a really strange crazy note...I ate a salad last night from Wendy's. I didn't absolutely love it, but I'm finding more and more if I don't think about what I'm eating, or look at it, I have better results in actually stomaching it. It was good and I looked at the label on the dressing and the nuts. Apparently roasted walnuts have gluten so peeps need to stay away from those and the dressing was fine.

Also, another side note,  corn chips with flavor? Yeah, they got MSG which is a big no no I guess. And p.s. that really sucks. (sigh) Okay, so had a weird dream, ate a weird salad and lived to tell the tale. Still no more than 2 Mt Dews/day and I'm at 29 days. Not showing a difference in my body to me, but I'm sure there's something going on inside. Does this mean that I'm NOT giving up? I don't know because normally at this point when I don't see the results I'm craving, I just totally give in. However, this year is different. It really is a HUGE deal to me the age I'm turning at the end of this 338 days. So, please keep your fingers crossed. I'm still hoping to change my life this  year.

Lots Of Love,
Kristi

339

So, my Mom is home!!!!! Yay!!!! She's been on vacation for 10 days and I have to tell you that I've missed her desperately. My sister and I have a problem. She's very much so a part of our every day lives. I talk to my Mom every single day and if a day goes by that I DON'T speak with her I feel weird. She is quite possibly the most wonderful, amazing Mom ever. Seriously, there isn't a single solitary soul like her, unless its my Gramma (her mother).  (sigh) I'm so glad she's home. had to go over there as soon as she let me know she was back and give her big hugs and tell her she isn't allowed to take vacation again for a long time. :)

What's that you say? Oh yes, I'm perfectly aware I have issues. But if my issues involve loving my fabulous Mom too much, I'm perfectly content with that.

Love you all,
Kristi

340

I didn't forget. I just got super busy and my phone died so I wasn't able to post from my phone like I normally would when I'm out and about. I received a daily affirmation from my fabulous friend MP today and I wanted to share because it was SOOO fitting for me.

"We do not need magic to change the world. We carry all the power inside ourselves already: We have the power to imagine better." J.K. Rowling

Magic. Her words are magic, I tell you. There is no one and there will never be anyone quite like J.K. Rowling. Thankful today for my friends and the other people in my life who are on my side and in my corner always. Wishing things were different, but I'm working on it. NO GIVING UP!!!

Love You Guys!!

Kristi

341

I'm sorry what was that? Oh God ordered a large dose of ATTITUDES today?! Sheesh. I swear my son came  home from school with this gigantic whiny, annoying bad attitude that I'm about ready to smack off of him. What is it about school and schoolwork that brings out the whine in people?

(sigh) Well, another day right? I'm still on the 2 mt dew kick. I've even gone a couple days with just one. I'm still feeling fatter and hungrier all the damn time, which sucks, but hey its better than keeping that extra 600 calories inside me right? Or extra 180g of sugar? Someone suggested to me today that I write book reviews on here to make sure I meet my quota of writing something every day. Most likely because I love reading so much. ☺ I have tried to write one review on here and I'm pretty sure it just sucked. I think that I am too personal. But in reality this blog is just for me anyhow. If I had known about this livejournal online journal thingy my sister just recently told me about i would've done that.

However, since that isn't an option looks like its sticking with this promise. I have a strange feeling I'll really enjoy looking back on this when the time comes anyhow. So, I did just finish reading One for the Money by Janet Evanovich. I'm obviously late to the bandwagon here as there are 18 current novels out about the quirky Stephanie Plum. However, maybe I'll write some reviews about those after I'm done. Couldn't hurt.

Not as crabby today as other days, wish i could say the same for Wyatt. Sheesh that kid. (RME)


Lots of Love,
Kristi

P.s. LOVIN' the fact that its January 5th and 50 degrees. Pretty nice.

342

Today is day two million of still being crabby. I’m so frustrated in this whole NOT losing weight thing. I gave up 680 calories, 184g of sugar and 260mg of sodium. Why is this not showing a difference? I’ve given up something I adore, and enjoy. I need to do something else. I just want to be BETTER!!!

343

Its been a crappy day. I havent' felt right. I'm really disappointed in my progress. I'm pretty sure that all I've done is gain weight. Its awful. I really thought I could do this this year. I'm going to be 30 dammit. I'm not going to be alive forever and this life has just sucked. I have nothing going and its so sad it makes me want to cry all the damn time.

I'm done for today. Just getting fatter.

The End
Kristi

344

So no pictures. Didn't have a chance to take them yet. But I didn't want to flake on posting so, just stay tuned.

KL

345

Its officially a new year. Time to really crackdown on changing my life. Its not a New Year's resolution. Its still all part of the Big 3-OH project. 345 days until I know if I've met my goal or not. I'm still holding strong with the Mt Dew, its time to incorporate a couple more things. I think tomorrow I will post pictures of myself today. Its not a true representation of 12/11/11, but I think I've basically gained weight instead of losing since this first endeavor anyways. However, they always say you should take pictures. You need to visualize where you start so when you finish you can see where you came from.

So, yeah. I think I'll take pictures and post the reality of where I currently stand. Measurements and all. Its a sad sad day for me. Welcome to my life 2012 its time for more change.

Happy New Year life!!!


Much Love,
Kristi