138 & 137

Sometimes, I think my mind and my heart do stupid things. I should NOT desire certain things, and yet I find myself attracted. Why IS that?!?!?


I am NEVER, repeat NEVER getting married. I've really decided that this weekend. I'll do whatever I want with whoever I want whenever I want and not feel bad about it.

The End,
Kristi

139

Summer Olympics: boy do I wish I was in London!!!

140

Just FYI I feel like crap. Been fighting something for months.


Blah

141-Top 10 Products/Items that have Gotten me Through Being Gluten Free

I have been gluten free for almost 9 months. I've been DILIGENTLY gluten free for almost 8. I'm not sure if I feel righteous about that or depressed? lol

I'd just like to share on here a couple of really great products that have at one point or another gotten me through the GF haze of missing glutenous foods I consumed in bulk. Let me just be as clear as glass here, I am not and haven't ever been a healthy eater. You couldn't even put me in the same hemisphere as a healthy eater, so not only was I forced to give up gluten, but also somewhat forced to attempt to adapt a healthier lifestyle and eating habits. I ate out or didnt eat at all 3-5 times a week. Just to give you some background. So, if you came looking for healthy foods that got me through gluten withdrawals you've come to the wrong place.  Okay moving on....

These are not in any particular order:

1. Bob's Red Mill Pizza Crust Mix. This was the second or third pizza crust mix I'd tried. I have to say that pizza is my absolute favorite food. I like soooo many different varieties and it's one of the things I miss the MOST about being gluten free. I've found that the GF alternatives from popular restaurants just do not cut the mustard. Making my own has been okay. Not the same as getting Harris pizza for sure, but still it's pretty good. Makes decent breadsticks too!! If you want to find more BRM products look here. They have a fantastic line endorsed greatly by Babycakes NYC in their cookbooks. Can't get much higher praise than that.


2. Domata Living Flour Pizza Crust Mix. While I love Bob's Red Mill PCM, the one thing I got spoiled on with Domata, was that I didnt have to add anything but water. I mean...it was soooo enticing to not have to add eggs, yeast and wait and all that stuff. I used it to make little chedar garlic biscuits and it was YUMMY!!! I really really like all the Domata products. All gluten free. The packages don't look like this picture exactly, but I couldnt find an example of the bags I buy online. Might snap a picture and post it later. If you want more information on Domata Living Flour click here.

3. This one is a semi-new discovery but when I really just want a mindless snack it seems to work and who knew? It's kind of nostalgic too!! Mike and Ikes!!! Yep, you read that right. FANTASTIC and sometimes it even makes me feel NOT so weird. :)

4. Corn Tortillas. Yes, I know you can get them in any brand, but as everyone seems to be able to point out I'm brand loyal, and so I use Mission White corn. They cook up very nice and taste fantastic!! I will admit that I'm a bit sick of tacos at this point in my gluten free journey, but I'll still eat them if someone puts them in front of me.

5. Corn and Rice Chex. Now let me tell you something. I was NOT a breakfast eater before GF and I was also NOT a cereal eater. However, I think sometimes being GF makes me crave sweets. I never really did before. So, perhaps its the lack of all that sugar in breads? I dunno, maybe I should look into it, but anyhow that's beside the point. I've found that the naturally Gluten Free cereals Corn and Rice chex with Cold milk and two teaspoon of sugar goes down very smooth when I just feel hungry. I mean starving. (another side effect I've noticed of GF I'm hungry ALL THE DAMN TIME) You can find ALL General Mills products here, or just go to your local grocer and I bet they have it as well.

6. Ruffles Original. Oh Ruffles how I love thee. I am a champion snacker, I always have been hence the extra 75lbs, but let me tell you about the moment I realized Ruffles Original were gluten free. I was in Sam's with my sister reading the label and found that brilliant flashing sign on the bag that said "GLUTEN FREE!!" Okay, it didnt really but it sure felt like it. These chips are salty and chippy and yummy and they don't cost any more than NORMAL people food. It made my day. Cheers to Frito-Lay company. You can read more about all their products here, there are actually quite a few snacky type foods that are good to go. Perhaps NOT for Celiacs as their restrictions are more stringent, but for a typical Gluten intolerant person there don't seem to be any adverse effects.

7. Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Believe what you want about her. Think what you will about her publicity and her opinions on The View, but I am so thankful and grateful to her for going public with her condition and bringing so much information and knowledge to my life. I LOVE her GF cookbook and couldn't be happier with all the recipes I've made from it.  This cookbook really is great. She has great ideas, anecdotes and just seems really really genuine in her crusade to help people with this problem. It's also because of her that my Gramma hopped on board and really has tried to make sure I'm ok. So, I guess Thanks Elisabeth for helping to help me change my life.



8. Smoothies. I don't really have a picture or a specific brand. I've just developed a taste and a need for Fruit smoothies. I use OJ, strawberries, bananas, blueberries etc etc. I throw them in the blender add some ice and away I go. I've noticed it really seemed to add to my diet and in my quest to give up MT DEW I needed something. It really worked.

9. Gluten Free Pretzels. Any brand will do, but I'm in LOVE. Gluten free pretzels dipped in cream cheese is sooooooooooooooooo yummy and Kraft is so fantastic about labeling all their allergens on their packaging. LOVE Kraft!!! ( Brand loyalty once again, but for a really great reason)

10. Brown Minute Rice. Let me just tell you something. I think I've gone through about 35 boxes of this stuff in the past 9 months. I wont use the white rice because I"ve convince myself that the brown rice is so much better. Anyhow, it's sooooo versatile. I've learned how to make this chicken and rice dish served at a local Mexican Restaraurant, my own version of Spanish Rice, Tomato-cream rice. Chicken and Rice, Hamburger and rice you name it and it can go with rice. Stir-fry and rice. The possibilities are endless and when you are starving it's handy that Minute helps out us lazy people with their products. Please for the love of God and all that's holy go out and buy a million boxes and enjoy enjoy enjoy. Go here for more information. You can buy it at almost every grocer.





So, there's 10 items that have gotten me through the beginning of this journey and through to the middle. My only hope was to show that, if it helps even ONE new GF person then my work  here is done.

Love you all and hope you're on your way to get some Minute Rice at the very least.


Cheers,
Kristi

143& 142

I hate stupid people. SERIOUSLY why are they so stupid? I mean no offense to you normal people if anyone normal is reading this, but I just need a break from people in general. I wish I had money then I'd go on a retreat to find myself.

lol

144

I'm so tired of being the one to give in. So tired of having all the things I do shoved in my face.

Never do I ever get credit or even appreciation for giving certain people everything. I get used, plundered and constantly treated like shit. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Sucks.

Hate my life

146 & 145

So, at least I don't drag other people down with me. I guess that's not a bad epitaph? lol

I understand depression. I understand the motivation behind it. I just don't understand bringing everyone else down with you.

Here is different, I write here just because mostly I know no one is reading it. I mean how many blogs out there have NO comments. How many blogs out there don't we even know exist?

So, this is like a journal/diary.  Anyhow, my whole point is that you don't need to be a bitch. It's pretty simple.

Just my thoughts for today.

Cheers,
Kristi

147

Okay, note to self: STOP GETTING YOUR HOPES UP!!!! Honestly, you'd think that I would've learned by now to keep my effing mouth shut when I want something or when something excites me. You know why? Because every single time I talk about something that I want, it all goes to shit.

It's like I can't contain myself, and I know that the minute it comes spilling out is the minute I'm screwed. So, way to go Kristi! You've made it impossible to be just a little bit happier.

Listen, I'm still fat, still unhealthy. I'd stopped drinking my smoothies every freakin' day because drinking gatorade or some other bottled beverage is easier. I'm so lazy. Where am I at in the "Change Kristi's Life" game? Well, I'm not back at square 1 because I still am not drinking Mt Dew and I'm also not eating gluten.

However, I really just have to say that I want to give up.


The End.

148

I am not the type of parent who things her child can do no wrong. The world is hard and frustrating and to be honest, there isn't always a happy ending. Why build up your child so that they think they are the best thing since sliced bread?

I am not saying here that you shouldn't encourage your children and make them learn what a sense of accomplishment is, but not make them think the sun rises and sets on them.

I had a lot more to say, but the truth is I just want people to realize that your child is not perfect.  Because your child can walk, he's not perfect.

The End

149

I thought I'd change it up and throw in a song tonight.

I love this song. Simple as that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2933uG2GGA&feature=youtube_gdata_player


Cheers,
Kristi

150

And another day. No more being pushy Kristi dammit!!! The stars are supposed to align for you this year. You need to let them do their job. Grrrrrr

I swear if I end up up getting what I want im going to end up giving what I shouldn't. I'm not sure I can come back from that. :(

Oh well, 150 days until December 11th and that age. I'm not sure i can handle it. What's changed again? Oh that's right nothing.

151

I. Want. A. House. That's right. I do. But the truth is, I need to stop being so INTO it. I have no control and Jim isn't likely to just go buy me a damn house. Honestly.

It's too bad, cuz there's a couple in Geneseo that I'm kind of in love with.

STOP IT KRISTI!!!

152

Why is it to this one person I can't stand up for myself? Everyone else it's fine, but with him not at all? I don't get it. Ugh so annoying.

I really hope truly and totally that Jim finds me a house and it won't be an issue anymore.

Blah

153

I have problems. I just want to say that. I need to do this. I've wanted to keep this up all year, we're heading into August, heading into the downward slope toward the end. I doubt very much that I'll continue this blog after my year is up. I thought I'd be better at this.

I had the best of intentions. I thought I'd write something that someone might actually want to read when in reality I'm just going to look back and see that I complained about my situation a lot, I couldn't bring myself to change so many things, I gave up Mt Dew, went Gluten Free and lost 15lbs.

That's it. That's all I've accomplished. I'm so broke I can't hardly stand it. It's impossible to be healthy and broke at the same time. I desperately want to step into healthy habits. I desperately want to be smaller. I truly truly do. I've been contemplating doing Weight Watchers again, then I think about it and realize its like a waste of money. Ugh I'm soooo sick of complaining. I'm so tired of hoping and seeing my body. It's awful. Just crappy.

Man, to anyone who stumbles upon this, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that this is all about my woes and is so full of bitchiness. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer. Please know that i realize there are many things I should be grateful for. I know many people don't have what I have. However, there are even more things I wish I could do. So many things I wish I could see. That's what makes things so hard.

Lots of love to anyone out there who struggles with anything in their lives an especially with their weight. Let's hope we get through it.

Xoxo

155 & 154

Man, I tell you what I'm kind of ridiculous. I can't seem to keep this up for straight week. I know I know we're all sick of hearing me complain about my life.

Look at my baby boy. He's so damn handsome it's ridiculous. I know all parents say that about their own kids, but Jesus LOOK at him. He is conditioned to take pictures well. but man I tell you. He's adorable.

Sooo....Here's some pics I took last night of Wyatt's baseball team.

And here, right here is one of the most beautiful things I've seen lately. I can't believe how much this picture made me want to cry.


Wyatt and his Daddy. I'm so glad I got this picture. I think when he's older, he'll really like having it.


Well, that's all for tonite.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

156

Hi there,

I thought I'd do something a little different today. I'm really in the photography mood lately. The problem is finding subjects other than my own son to take pictures of.

Soooo I'm going to take a photo I've already taken of him, and do 5 different presets. I know that no one is reading this blog, and that's alright. I still feel like doing something different today. I'll list the name of each preset used. :)


Here is the original. Nothing special, except the model. :)

 1. BW Grey Matter, Rad Presets

Black and White always seems to give just a special treat to pictures, even though B&W is totally old school. hahah

2. One Willow- Sparkle 2 I like this one as well. It just kind of darkens and punches up the pic. Still in color, but kind of...dreamy!

3. Willow B&W Preset- Golden Shimmer
This one to me, is just brilliant. I like how it's almost washed out but still very very contrasty-( is that a word? I think not) Anyhow, So far this is my favorite.

4. Xanadu/Strong- Basically just a little change to the original. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's bright and yet pretty.
















5. And I'm doing the last one in another lack of saturation. Gonna find an EXTREME B&W....lets see what there is...Okay here it is. ASmith-Charleston







Here we go. So, if anyone is looking, reading or listening let me know what you think. :) Otherwise...I'm not really sure which one I like. Oh well, it's fun to add something new.



Cheers,
Kristi

157

I seriously think I'm in the middle of a mental breakdown or something. I'm soooo flipping cranky. I tried looking up the astrological signs to see if that's what the deal is, but I'm not seeing anything. WTF is my deal?

Guilt? Frustration? Annoyance? Honestly, i have no clue, but I can tell you I'm over it.

Time to move on.

158

I'm really starting to wonder about myself. I mean here I am, 29 years old and I've been 29 years old for over six months and all I've been focused on is turning 30. and of course that's very frustrating for me.

So, here I am waiting for my life to change and the reality is that I don't think I'm ever going to be very different. I want so much to not be me anymore.

I'm trying to decide if I should go ahead and join weight watchers again, or if I should just give up the ghost.

I really am sick and tired of having to feel like this every fucking day! I want a new life. However, at the same time you wish for something like that and they always say be careful what you wish for, I know that I am sick and tired of complaining on this stupid blog every single day if anyone would actually come and read this sad, pathetic, ridiculous excuse for a blog they probably just vomit.

I've got 158 days to not be fat anymore. I have the hundred and 58 days to not look like me anymore. I have 158 days to be different.

Do you really think I can accomplish this goal? Do I really feel that anything is ever going to be different? I am starting to think that I was meant to be something I'm not. it's something I pretend to be and something that comes easily to me. However, it's not something respectable.

So, after much thought I'm just going to keep on moving on. Until, the next problem...

Much Love,
Kristi

160 & 159

Ugh I'm not really sure why I even bother.

161

I've been wanting to give up, and in fact I kind of HAVE been giving up. I just can't. I can NOT get to 30 With an extra 100 pounds. I really really cant.

I think I'm going to do something crazy, but I want to think about it a little longer.

We'll see.

162

I am so disappointed in myself. Truly. Just absolutely disappointed. And p.s. the smell of burnt popcorn is atrocious. I would like for it to go away now.

I've got two boys tonight, Mr Kevin and Mr Wyatt. It's really nice for Wyatt to have a partner in crime. Makes me wish things were a little bit different.

Let something happen again today, always say no and end up doing the yes regardless.

Still fat, in case you're wondering. Also, now I'll be hanging out with the whole family all weekend. yay.

Sigh.

Sorry for being a complainer.

K

163

Just wanted to post a couple of really cool, well at least I think so, pictures.




Love it!!

164 & 163-Happy Fourth of July

I didn't forget last night, just got really tired. lol

Here's a couple pics from the Red,White and Boom celebration. I suck. I seriously need to get better.

168, 167, 166, 165

I am a terrible giver-upper. Obviously, I've been seriously slacking on the postage of my blog. I know I know, don't give up, but the truth is. I am giving up. I'm not gonna go back to the Mt Dew, or even all the soda, but I've got it in my head that all these changes aren't even doing anything for me. It's depressing.

I'm sick, my throat still hurts and now my ear is hurting again and there's lots of pressure. I've been trying so damn hard to get healthier for over 7 months now and all I've got is nowhere.

The fourth of July is in two days and it's almost like a joke. What do I have to show for myself? Nothing. Everyone uses me for everything. I fix people. I know that sounds dramatic and most likely self-gratifying, but it's the truth.

I am constantly making people happy and making them see things from another angle. But not myself. I'm just miserable lately and I want it to stop.

Why can't I be happy? And p.s. Jesus is NOT the answer. Just in case anyone who believes that all my heartache will go away if I become devout. No offense to you and your happy, I respect you, but it isn't for me.

Thanks,
Kristi