344

Happy New Year!!! Here's to a fantastic 2013!!!!!

345

So, we all know I'm freaked out about losing my hair. I have a pretty noticeable receding hairline that seemed to me just popped out of nowhere.

Obviously a better looking, healthier me is on the menu this coming year so I thought I'd share on here that for one month I am not going to blow dry my hair. Haha that probably sounds silly to some propel. However, I've done lots and lots of research and one of the things they say to do to instill healthier hair is less heat damage. Well, I ALWAYS blow my hair dry after I wash it because the alternative is hideously awful hair.

I've observed two people I know with OUTSTANDING hair health my mother Andy friend Ness. They rarely if EVER blow dry their hair. So, I decided I'd give it a try and see what happens. That's how I'm doing everything this year I think.

So today was the first day of no blow dryer, hair looks really flat and blah but could be worse.

This should be interesting...
K

346

I missed last night so just a quick note this morning.

I'm currently in the midst of a make-up, skin care, body care, hair care obsession. I think taking better care of myself as one of my goals this year has become make-up and prestige care central. I mean I see it and I want it. Or I see it and I want to try it. It's kind of funny.


But just as a quick note, I let the salesgirl at Ulta talk me into buying the Benefit "They're Real" Mascara...let me just tell you something it is AMAZING. I mean its fantastically amazing. It really separates and makes my lashes so pretty and long.

This is what it looks like.

This is truly what it does!!!!! I'm not joking. It's amazing. Soooo just as my quick note of the day. Go buy this. It's pricey, yes. But what prestige cosmetics arent? Anyhow, I love it and will continue to use it.


Cheers,
Kristi

347

My random thought of the day: I've just realized I spend entirely too much time alone. If I were to ever need an alibi, I would be screwed. I'm totally the schmuck who says ' Oh, I was at home, alone.' I mean seriously, I'm so lame. hahah


I've basically been watching a Castle marathon lately. Got all 4 seasons and so I've just been watching from the beginning all over again. LOVE LOVE LOVE that show.

Nathan Fillion? Amazing. Stana Katic? I WANT to be her. Peripherals? Just as great.


I remember Nathan from old episodes of Buffy. He's sexy and yet the equivalent of the girl next door, so he's "boy next door, tall and handsome. I also loved him in Firefly Fantastic show and so incredibly sad it was cancelled. If you haven't seen Castle, you should give it a chance. Ryan and Esposito are great comic relief as well as, sideline story. Martha (Castle's Mom) and Alexis (Castle's daughter) are great to show the softer more adult side of Castle. It's always interesting to me the way Alexis unknowingly  helps Castle with his theories.
mmmmmm yummy in this one!!

Anyhow, my whole point here is rather nonexistent. Suffice it to say you should give Castle a chance if you haven't already.











Cheers!!

Kristi

348

I'm wondering if its possible to literally be falling apart piece by piece? I know 30 really freaked me out so perhaps it's just all mental?

I was talking to a friend of mine today about my goals for the new tyear of Kristi.

One thing I really want to do is take better care of myself. I spent the last year figuring out a lot of things that made me ill. Now I want to find things I can use to assist in the new and improved life of Kristi. I've almost, not quite, but almost been fully assimilated into organic.

I know there are many products out there to assist with some of the issues I have. So, it's time to test them out. Perhaps this years blog posts will be a whole bunch of product reviews.

Cheers,
Kristi

350 & 349

I think with the looming deadline of 30 NOT on the horizon anymore, I've become extremely derelict in my duties. I barely write here every night. I suppose I should've seen it coming.

What don't you already know about me? What don't I already know about myself? I know that I wish I could be better off. I know that I want to make more money, do something interesting and really change my life. The problem is, it's hard to do that.

I already made a LOT of big changes last year and the idea of changing a million more things is rather daunting. I'm not really feeling it at all actually. hahah

So, I guess I'll continue to write a little note to myself here every time I think of it, with the hopes that I write something every day. Maybe the problem is I haven't made a promise to myself yet...

Perhaps the thing to do is keep it slack until the new year. Let myself graze a little until I have a clear picture of exactly what I need to do.

I'll keep you posted!

K

352 & 351

It's Christmas. As I'm writing this the clock is slowly ticking to midnight on Christmas Eve. We've already done presents for the most part. Wyatt has been to his Dad's and my family had their Christmas early for the first time in over 30 years.

It's been the weirdest holiday season I think I've ever encountered. I don't really know what the deal is, but I'm hoping it was just some sort of minor fluke. I've been just bah humbug the whole season.

I just want Wyatt to be happy and well, he seems pretty damn happy. So, I'm gonna say it's fine. Is it sad that I really wanted a better Christmas? I'm ALWAYs disappointed. It's really depressing.

I put all that thought into presents and well, I just get the shaft. This is exactly why I buy everything for myself that I want. lol So with that said. I realize that is not what Christmas is about, I know that. However, I'm speaking in general about Christmas.

I give up. Sooo...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Nite.

K

353

So, my brother took me to see a show for my birthday at Circa 21. This isn't the best picture, but it will have to suffice.

354

I have been in this ridiculously angry mood lately. I've been frustrated and annoyed and just all around disappointed in pretty much everything.

I don't know that I can explain it. I just have this bah humbug attitude. I want too many things I can't realistically have and I realistically need things I don't want. It's a quandry.

So, what should I do to get out of it? Why do I have such a hard time saying no? I've become ridiculously passive aggressive. UGH

Well, I'm not sure what this next year is going to bring. I don't even know if I have a goal this go-around, but I do have desires, hopes and needs. It's time I figured out a way to get all of them.


WITHOUT FEELING BAD!


Lots of Love,
Kristi

356 & 355

Well, I'm not feeling my best. My skin is breaking out something fierce and that is something it hasn't done in forever.

I mean like serious breakout mode. Whiteheads, blackheads, red spits and even cystic acne. My face hurts. My body doing something cuz my face is awful, my mouth has tons of those swollen taste buds, roof of my mouth is killing me.

I say bah humbug!!

I am tired of being able to fix things for other people and never for myself.

Btw I think I finally understand retail therapy. It makes me smile. Wish I had so much more money.

Sorry for the ramblings

K

357

I actually picked up and read one of my books tonight. I am hoping that this means my drought is over. I cannot explain why I've stopped reading for so long. I mean I've listened to my audiobooks but not read a real book in forever.

I miss it.

359 & 358

And I'm already slacking. I almost feel a sense of anti climax. I didn't quite reach my goal and purpose for my year of change so I'm beating myself up a bit.

Perhaps I'm just in the midst of the birthday blues or the holiday blues, you never can tell.

Regardless, I still have 35 more pounds to lose before October 5, 2013. So I do have a goal this year. I also have some medical things I'd like to take care of this year.

So, onward ho!

360

this is a sad sad state of affairs. I woke up this morning with the screaming, AWFUL, HORRIBLE pain in my ear again. I don't know what the deal is with my body but I want it to stop right now.

Listen up Emperor of the Universe. I have NOT, repeat NOT gone through hell this year to get my body and my life moving in the right direction just to have you decide that I'm still going to be miserable. Take the damn pain away. I am doing so many things to get better. I have made leaps and bounds of progress.

I will NOT  let this year be the year of sickness like last year was.


K

361

There's nothing quite like disappointment. When you have expectations more often than not people let you down.

I need to lower mine. I'm always let down and just sad.

362

Today has been filled with weird emotions. I bawled like a little baby watching Parenthood. Holy crap, if you ever need something to make you cry, serioulsy just watch an episode. I think I've mentioned on here before that I'd love to be a Braverman. That show is brilliant. It's written well, and honestly it's just amazing.


Moving on, I feel ...off. I've had more than one person ask me if I feel different. It's a pretty common question after you turn thirty. However, normally people say "no" or "not really" Me, however? I feel completely different. I can actually feel a shift in my whole being. It's bizarre. I can honestly say I don't like it.

In fact, i hate it. I feel a shift in what I'm thinking, how i"m feeling and in what I'm going to do. I'm still me, and I know this couple of years is about searching. I just don't know that I like what I'm finding. Someone once told me that you think your twenties are all about finding yourself, but what you really do in your twenties is mess everything up and make mistakes. It's your 30's that are about finding yourself and what you're going to be. Maybe that will be the case for me.

K

363

Sometimes being reminded of something just makes you want to bawl like a little baby.

364

I can't decide exactly how I'm going to handle the next 365 days, but I'm hoping I'll get an epiphany soon.

I'll keep you informed.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

Happy Birthday

3 minutes in...

Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday dear meeeeeee....Happy Birthday to me.

And many more.....

0-DDay

AAAAAAAaaaand in 1hour and 58 minutes I will officially be 30 years old. I will have been writing in this blog for one year. I honestly can't believe that I've been doing this for a year. It's sooo crazy to me. I just can't believe how fast time goes by.

I spent the last year of my twenties attempting to make some important changes in my life, figuring out what I'm going to do and just all around trying to decide who I'm going to be. I had ups I had downs. I was sick a lot. It's just been all-around strange and trying year.


Let me just get the statistics out of the way.


December 11th, 2011:
Weight: 266
Up to 5 Mt. Dews per day
Eating whatever whenever and sick all the time

December 11th 2012:
Weight: 237.8 (so says the scale I just weighed myself on)
No Mt. Dew at ALL not for over 9 months
No Gluten at all!!
Eating more veggies and fruits.
Drinking Water


So, I've lost a grand total of 28. 2 pounds in 12 months. Not where I wanted to be. I missed my goal of 30 by 1.8lbs. Honestly, it's like a little joke. Stupid Kristi couldnt try a little harder for a few weeks to meet that goal. hahah Oh well, I'm pretty damn close so I'm goign to take it.

I was thinking I'd post all my measurements as well, but I've lost them for the moment. Perhaps I'll do a birthday post tomorrow.

Anyhow here is what I looked like last year and today.

I'm just not as ready as I thought I'd be. I'm feeling blah and well, i've definitely got the birthday blues.

I'm going to keep going with this. Onward and upward. Still going to be writing in here every day.


Lots of love,
Kristi

1

There are 24 hours until my birthday. 24 hours and a couple minutes to be fair.

What is the next 365 going to bring? What is REALLY happening? Argghhhhhhh all craziness!!!

I've totally and completely slacked this last week, and I really wanted to do better. Ah well. I have intentions to at least post about the year end review tomorrow night as midnight approaches and my twenties end.


Cheers,
Kristi

3&2

ARRRGGGHHH I can't believe this last couple of days I've just completely slacked off here. I mean seriously? hahah I've been trying hard all year and I think the misery and craziness of my birthday has just been pulling me down into crazytown.

I've got pretty much nothing to share. Other than, I made a crazy roadtrip at 8:30pm last night to Peoria to get some wine. I dragged my friend Nessa along. Why you ask? Because I'm crazy. :)


But it's FANTASTIC wine!!!!


If you are anywhere need Peoria, IL. You HAVE to check out this wine. It's amazing!!! Every single flavor has a smooth finish and a fantastic roundness to it.


LOVE LOVE LOVED It!!!

Cheers,
Kristi

4

Well I'm obviously slacking since I'm down to the wire here. I don't know that I have a whole lot of insight or information to share.

I'm still composing my birthday night post in my head.

So, I'll leave you with another pic to suffice tonight.


Lots of Love,
Kristi

6&5

Ugh!!! Note to self: when you don't eat all day then gorge you will make yourself unbelievably sick.

Try to remember that Kristi.

5 days...

7

Aaaaand another one.

Only one week folks from today. I'm getting my stats ready for you.


Lots of love,
Kristi

8

Just wanted to share one of the pics :)

10 & 9

Well, I got a little distracted last night so I forgot to post. Decided that today I was going to have my friend Genessa take some pictures of Wyatt and myself.

I HATE being in front of the camera, but really need to start having some pictures showing that I exist.

I will add another post a little later  once they are edited.  :)


Cheers,
Kristi

11

Well...Strawberry Chocolate Wine from Kickapoo Creek Winery is DELICIOUS.

I"m finally in the mood for Christmas Music.

Soooooooo I'm gonna share the amazing talent, once again, of Pentatonix.

Enjoy the fantastic talent of this group. I know I do.





Lots of Love,
Kristi

12

Not sure exactly what is going on, but I have been sooo bloated lately. It's been almost a year that I've cut gluten out and I'm seriously getting really good at staying away from it and not getting accidentally glutened.

However, in the past couple of weeks, every single time I eat something I feel sick and bloaty. GRRRRR..... Just when you think you've got something all figured out? BAM Emperor of the Universe throws in a wrench.

Happy Hump Day!!

K

13

Just in case you didn't know, it is officially Hot Cocoa season. My sister and I got this huge package of them at Sam's Club. I am totally and completely in LOVE with the Warm Oatmeal Cookie hot chocolate.

OMG people it is DELICIOUS!!!!!


Just wanted to share. Now, if I can find it to buy on it's own, I totally would. Too bad it isn't available on their website. Needless to say it reminds me of the oatmeal cookies that are frosted. My parents used to give those to us when we were kids. Awww man soooo good!!!!! Mmm MMMM Well done Land of Lakes. Even though I find it weird that its Land of Lakes. hahah





So, yeah, I know it's not "healthy", and I know it's not all natural, but let me tell you something: it's a small bit of heaven, wrapped in comfort and classic. Maybe even a small touch of home. LOVE IT!! Now I need to see if I can get some more. hahah Great gifts too for the holidays.


Happy Tuesday Friends!!

Kristi

14

I believe I've mentioned a few times in the past year that I just can't seem to pick up a book and read. It's like this huge anomaly for me. People who know me, know that I'm a "reader" as they like to put it. The reality is that I just like to escape to other worlds, places, times etc. The best way to do that, is via fiction. I always say that Fiction is the BEST vacation. Worlds we long to visit, worlds we dream about and world's we'd love to help save. What could be better?

So, here I am passionate and crazy about literature, and yet...nothing makes me pick it up anymore. I've been fully assimilated into audiobooks or something. Which, is CRAZY, considering I read sooo much faster than I listen. It's just such an amazing experience to LISTEN to a book read to you. Please don't misunderstand, if the narrator is ghastly, then the audiobook is worthless. However, when you stumble upon someone such as Jim Dale? The possibilities are endless. Or perhaps if you give someone like Susan Ericksen a chance you'll see what I mean.

So, as I sit here and type this out, thinking I had a purpose in this post...I don't really. hahah typical 1am ramblings from Kristi, I guess. Well, what I'm trying to say is that while I haven't picked up a real book and just read through it on my own, I have been discovering more and more the joys of audiobooks and the convenience of being able to do other things while also reading.

There is no one, and I do mean NO SINGLE AUTHOR like Ms. Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb. Her words are memorable, her characters are intriguing and lovable. You want to GO to her worlds. Or at least... I do. I feel like half the things I've learned I learned from reading her books. I know that probably sounds silly, but I swear her books BREATHE sometimes. I've re-read her trilogies no less than 15 times apiece. And the In Death series? If you haven't read it, you should. If you've read it and haven't listened to Susan Ericksen bring it to life? You should do that as well.

There are so many MANY great authors out there, I think Nora just holds my heart. ☺ If you don't like romance...there's alway the Harry Potter series, as J.K. Rowling creates a world that you can almost smell with her brilliance.

Cheers for tonite!! Go read a book...or if you're a busy soul...listen to one!!!


♥
Kristi


I use Audible.com, one of the best purchases I ever made for myself. It immediately syncs with my iTunes account. No muss, no fuss. Just a little tip for those wondering how to go about audiobooks. I definitely suggest NOT getting the CDs, so much more work. Love Audible.  KLH

15

There are these moments when you just have to do a "Face:Palm." As much as we are what we are, there are times when one can forget where they were going and what the original purpose of a journey was meant to be.

Do you know that I started out this little journey of mine with the intention of keeping myself honest. Of making myself accountable for the things I did every day for a year. I definitely stumbled a couple of times throughout the past year with regards to writing every day, but actually I'm pretty proud of myself for attempting and trying to stay true to the whole point.

I had someone randomly comment on one of my short, pithy posts the other day and it was definitely a face:palm moment, because I forget so very often that this is a PUBLIC blog. hahaha I've just been riding along talking to myself for the most part. I do occasionally go back and read the post just because I need a gauge of my emotional state sometimes. I know a few posts back I mentioned that I had become this extremely ridiculous whiner. I was aware of the fact that I am not only extremely hard on myself, but that I've just been in a serious funk. So, with that said, I'm going to post something a little different today. In the spirit of Thanksgiving and as requested by the anonymous poster, I'm going to post a few things I'm thankful for, and a few things I should be proud of, in no particular order.

1. I am so proud of myself for staying away from Mt. Dew for more than 8 months. I used to drink up to 5  bottles of it per day. I would drink Mt.Dew all day and all night. I truly have more willpower than I thought. Yay Me!!

2. I am humbled that a business such as Southern, Wine and Spirits thought my work was good enough to post on their Facebook page. Guess the general consensus is that I am, in fact, good with inanimate objects...The drinks were made my best friend and I just took the shots. :) It was fun.




3. I suppose I should say that I am also proud of myself for making my voice heard. People who know me never would assume that I am actually really nervous and shy about asking superiors, upper management and the like for something that I haven't been offered. I finally got up the balls to speak to my director about my position in teh company and where I truly wanted to go. It was nerve-racking and yet, it all ended well. With her thanking me for bringing this all to her attention. So, yeah, guess I'm a grown-up after all. hahah

4. One thing...I am so very very thankful for not being in this whole thing alone. I tell people all the time that my son is community raised. I say this because he's with me, his dad & stepmom and their hoarde (Wyatt has 6 sisters), my Gramma, my parents. etc etc. I'm thankful and happy and really just so  lucky that Wyatt has all of these people who love him and want to give him their attention and share their lives with him. I try to remind him all the time of how lucky he is, guess I need to start doing that as well.

5. And to end tonight's post...I am so incredibly happy and blessed. So GLAD that I have my best and oldest friend in my life. I'm posting this picture because a) I feel like I look happy and b) it always makes me smile. I tease her all the time that every bad thing I've ever done in my  life was because of her, or because she made me do it. The reality is that she always tries to get me to have fun and not dwell on those things that make me melancholic. So, Thanks Ashley Lynn, Love this picture and love that it's out here forever now.


Cheers to anyone who might be reading. I'm sorry for the drab, debbie downer tone lately. I'm hoping for a new upswing.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

16

I am so close to the date it's really setting in.

I am going to be 30. God that is so painful to say.

I know how many people would think me overreacting is just that, an overreaction.

But I just feel so lacking.

I thought I would be so much more than I am. I guess I'm still a work in progress.

Sad.

K

18 & 17

Soooo we went Black Friday shopping and I had a BLAST!!! So much fun.

Got some good deals and others I wanted but couldn't get.

My bonus was kind of a joke. Sad face.

Soooo close to my birthday. Sigh

Well Happy Thanksgiving and happy almost December.

K

19

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving 2012. Been thinking about this one and really? They have stores open all day tomorrow and Black Friday (I mean Thursday) is starting at like 8pm in tons of places.

I love deals and the idea of getting those deals is kind of exciting, however...I never have the money for this BF shopping anyways and to be honest I HATE the crowds. Most of the time I want to shoot myself.

But...I do wish I had a million dollars. Can I please please pretty please just win the lottery already? I mean is that too much to ask? hahahah

So...I'll be having dinner at my parents house, then my sister and I will be going out into the craziness for at least some cheapo movies at Wally-world. Can't pass up $5-10 Full seasons of our favorite shows. Just sayin' I also have to look for CSI:NY for a friend of mine and wanted to make sure I was checking out any really good deals as well.

The question is: Do I buy myself a second set of Monster Beats headphones? Or do I just deal with not having any until mine come back in? lol Or do I buy myself new boots? I got a little bit of a bonus, sad really when you think about it, but a little bonus and wanted to buy myself something cool. I'm gonna be 30 and we all know my birthday is going to SUCK. For many many many reasons, it will blow massive chunks. I just wanted to consider this bonus a gift to myself. But all I can think of buying is presents for other people.

Sad, I know.

I"ll keep you posted and if I get anything super duper cool, I will definitely share!!


Lots of Love and Hope you have a BEAUTIFUL Thanksgiving tomorrow!!

Kristi

20

Apparently there is something special about me. Did you know?

Wish I knew what it was...

21

Getting closer and closer.

Before you know it, it will be 2013.

22

I'm not going to get out of celebrating this birthday. Perhaps its time I just decide to be happy about it and make the best of what I've got.

What do you think? Stop being melancholy and be excited bout 30? Sigh. I guess them's the breaks anyway, right?


I've been focusing so hard on the negative. ON the things I haven't achieved. With less than amonth left, I need to start focusing on what I HAVE achieved.


Soooooo onward and upward. :)


K

23

It's always always always a shocker to me that someone is actually reading the blather I put out here. I, myself, have done so much internet surfing in my time and found other blogs EXTREMELY useful and informative. I have found them to be well-written, amusing and even sometimes very very talented.

Yet, here I sit with my "blog" and I use quotations because essentially this is my diary. I just happen to be putting it out there for the world to read. And some random strangers have commented. I know that at this point in the first 365 days of change, I've pretty much done nothing but complain, be sick and a little crazy.

I want to apologize yet again to anyone who stumbles upon this blog and thinks that for some strange reason it might actually be beneficial. Initially I had completely intended to share everything I could and to be very informative and just give a real, true to life example of someone attempting to change their lives, and to hold themselves accountable.

I'm so close to my 365 days it's almost vomit-worthy. I'm trying to compile the year into a sort of file so I can post the night before my birthday. I want to at least share with you what I HAVE in fact accomplished.

I'm also going to post a couple pictures of some progress and all that jazz. I just need to get into this a little bit more and not just be a freakin' complainer all the damn time. It's just so hard when I'm sick to think about anything other than being sick. I just want to be healthy. Or rather...healthier.


Okay, maybe more tomorrow.

Kristi

24

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Okay, let me rephrase that, I wonder about myself all the time.

It's so strange to me that the one thing that turned me, that changes me for my entire life, is the one thing I seem to be really really good at. I have an innate talent for subterfuge, I guess. I know that's not really the right word, but it's the one I'm using right now.

Well, just so you know, I've already told you once and now I'm telling you again, Breaking Dawn Part 2 was very good. Not quite everything I wanted to see, but a lot of things I was glad to see.


I've gained 3 lbs by the way, in the last couple of weeks. Depressing. So still some ways away from my goal weight I'd the year and still 45 lbs away from my own personal goal weight for my BFFs wedding. I know damn good and well I can't meet that particular goal, so I'm sticking with 30 per year. I think it's quite reasonable and even possible. If I were to accomplish that, it would put me at 60lbs lost. That's none too shabby.

Please keep your fingers crossed that I can reach these crazy goals. That I continue to stay Gluten Free. That everything turns out well. It's my hope that this year of disaster and of stress and sickness will fold into a much better year next year. If, that is, I actually make it to next year. Sigh

Lots of Love,
Kristi

26, 25

At the Twilight marathon !!!!!


Loving it!!!

Sometimes it's just nice to let go.


K

29,28,27

Hah...29 days and I won't be 29 anymore. Such a sad, sad state of affairs.


So...let's see. I had a decent weekend where I felt needed, helpful and like I did a good job. That's always nice. I helped my girl Nessa at a wedding. I'm the Fix-It girl, remember? So that's what I do. I fix things.


I love feeling like something good comes from the crappy experiences I've had. I swear I should go into business for myself. lol

I'm really cranky lately. My friends are noticing, my famly is noticing and I just can't seem to snap out of it.

I blame the months of being sick. I mean honestly, if I could just catch a break it would be awesome.

Listen up Emperor of the Universe!!! You and I both know I deserve to be feeling better. I do NOT and I repeat do NOT want to make it a tradition for me to be seriously ill on my birthday.

So, let's get on this!!!

K

EDIT:

Apparently I'm losing days yet AGAIN, obviously I've been doing that all year. Apparently per days calc.com I've only got 27 days until December 11,2012.

WTF?

31

One month. I think I'm having a minor melt down. It's all good. Time flies.


Okay special note of the day, if you have not caught on to Nathan Fillion or the genius that is Castle, you should.

Such a great show!!!

Luv yas,
Kristi

32

I am exhausted. I mean I've been so damn tired lately I'd think I was seriously ill.

I'm truly ready to pass out at 10:30pm. I went to sleep last night before 1am. And I woke up at 8am.

Seriously, what is going on?

33

Desperately need to figure out what's wrong with my body.

Sigh guess this week's goal is to give the smoothie theory a try.

I'll keep you updated.

34

Thank you, Emperor of the Universe. Thank you for helping me this one time.

Lots of Love,
Kristi

35

I read back through my last couple if weeks of posts. I'm in a serious state if complaint lately. I was actually annoyed at me reading it. Who in their right mind would ever want to see/read about this stupid girl who is constantly complaining?

I realize that a lot of it is just because I wanted to keep my word to myself to try and post something every day. It's just that I don't want to be viewed as the constant complainer.

My family, and friends for that matter, seem to think smoothies are my magic elixir of life or something. It's kinda funny. They are all adamant that if I start drinking them again I'll ceased to be sick and jump into this hyper healthy state. I'm not convinced. My ear has been throbbing for almost two months. My throat hurts and my allergies are awful. I'm falling apart.

But that sure just sounds like more complaining, doesn't it?

So none of that. I'm going to give it another try. Get some of my fruit from my moms and get back to mixing them up for myself.

I guess we'll see what happens.

Cheers,
Kristi

36

You try and try and try to figure things out, and to turn your life around. Then you break a damn tooth and you're screwed.

What. The. Fuck?!?!?

I cannot win for losing.

37 & 36

I'm sick all the time and it sucks. Only a month really left, and I'm still miserable all the time. Hate it. :(

38

I think I have strep...again. The pain in my ear has not gone, and now I'm adding pain. I hate hate hate this.

I need a true vacation. At least a week.

I want to visit friends in different places but can't. Sad.

39

You always want things you shouldn't. I'm such a study on this subject I feel like a specialist or something.

I know my outlook on life is considered weird. I know it's abnormal. But I'm just more in tune with reality. I certainly know myself well enough to know that what I do on a fairly regular basis is TOTALLY not accepted in society.

Funny thing is, society does all those things, but they just try to hide it.

Makes me sick.

I just wanna be me and I really want to start enjoying the life I've got left.

Cheers

40

Set the clocks back tonight. My god I can't take this pain in my ear anymore. It's awful.

And seriously I need to find someone that's available to me when I want.

I can't take not having what I need anymore .

41

So I'm driving my parents to Chicago tomorrow so my dad can buy a car. It's times like these I'm devastated I don't have more money.

I hate being broke. I just wish for the rest if my life I could be rich instead of poor. I don't think that's too much to ask.

:(

42

42 days. There are only 42 days until Doomsday. hahah I know I know everyone is sick and tired of hearing me call it that. Hmmm wait, no one is reading this so we should be good to go.

Anyhow, the whole point here is that this year has gone by so stinking fast I almost feel like it's still January of 2012 instead of November. That's right, today is November 1, 2012. I mean honestly. No more 20s. I'm going to be 30. UGH it actually makes my stomach hurt to say or write that.

I've made this past year the "Year of Change" I know in my heart that I'm going to continue to do so. I'm going to try my hardest to keep writing in the blog until I've achieved some sort of goal. I've really been working so hard to get healthier and better. To make better decisions and to try to attain goals. Its just really hard. People suck 9 times out of 10 they drive me insane and make me feel like crap.


I have to stop letting other people influence my moods so much. I swear sometimes I feel empathic and all the emotion is just too much for me.


:( Sorry for the drab, crazy post tonight. I'm just  not in the best of moods.


K

43

Happy Samhain!!! Blessed Be.


Okay, this year is absolutely flying by. 43 days until the big 30 and I just can't do it. It's all craziness.

What am I going to do with myself?

I guess I'm headed in the right pdirection and it appears I'm taking some of my family with me as well.

I like that part. Hopefully I will continue to make progress.

Lotsa luv

K

42

Oh body, why do you hate me so much?


Honesty people, I challenge you to be inside my body for a day and see what I put up with. I would love to know what it feel slike to NOT feel like crap.

My family seems to think it's because I haven't been drinking my smoothies, and that could be part of it.

I certainly have been lacking in the BEST nutrition lately. Still no Mt. Dew so I haven't completely fallen off the wagon. Just not as good as I should be.


42 days left until the big day. I just can't believe how fast this has gone. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep doing this blog until I get to where I need to be.

Who knows, maybe having an online diary that people can read isn't such a bad idea.


Keeps me honest.


Kristi

43

Uh ohhhh I'm feeling cranky again. Also lonely. It only lasts a minute but seriously I feel like I need even more change.


Blah!!!!

44

I've still got a ways to go, but I dressed up today and didn't look 100% awful.

I'll post a picture later.

Lots of love

45

I think the scale is lying to me. I haven't been doing anything to lose weight and yet it's saying I am.

It's interesting.

Supposed to go to my best friends little brothers wedding tomorrow. Ashley made me spend the day walking around in heels. Kinda ridiculous. Lol

Just an FYI: I'm never getting married.

Okay, cheers!!
K

47 & 46

I am soooo tired of being me.

Lets pull a freaky Friday and change with someone

48

I hate it when I let people hurt me.

I know better.

They are never what they seem.

49

People are complete and total assholes.

I'm not kidding. As a whole the general population sucks and are only out for themselves.

I'm so tired of it.

And they wonder why I just want to be alone or hang out with family?

50 & 49

Hi there non-readers. How's life?

Well my ear is STILL KILLING ME. Isn't that awesome?

So ridiculous. I swear when I look back at this year all going to see is how sick I was.

Can I please just feel better?

Blah

51

50 lbs to lose is insane. I'm not working out. I've just completely changed my damn eating habits. Seriously it's sooo different.

However, I've lost a total of 25lbs in almost a year. Maybe it's possible to do it in another year. I can NOT, repeat can NOT be Ashley's fat frien at her wedding.

I've 51 days to lose 5 more pounds to meets goal for the 365 days.

What do you think? Can I do it?

Sigh


Well, I think I'm at least moving in the right direction. Ash days I'm becoming a crazy health person, but I'm not really. I think I'm just finally taking responsibility for what im doing to myself.

Oh well, I'll keep you informed.


Cheers,
Kristi

52

Hanging out with friends is imperative!

53

So, I actually haven't kept track of when this ear ache started, but I still effing have it!! I mean seriously NOTHING IS HELPING.

I'm so annoyed, because I'm gonna have to call the doctor again and pay for everything AGAIN!!!

Seriously, can I please catch a break?

54

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a terrible person.

I seriously have issues.

55

Isn't it funny how it's an election  year as well as the "year of change" for Me? Ummm nope it's just stupid. I"m not someone who is obsessed with politics. I am really feeling that it truly wont matter one way or the other who we get, they are  both pieces of shit who don't give a damn if I can't pay my rent to take care of myself and my son. Don't care that I get no help and yet have no money.

So I say screw it. It's not going to matter what I get. It's all garbage.

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Cheers,
Kristi

On a lighter note, Bakery on Main instant GF oatmeal is fantastic!!!

56

I'm here to tell you that there is absolutely such a thing as "too much of a good thing!""

Heed my warning ladies!!

XOXO

57

I hate groceries. Does everyone absolutely despise spending money on what essentially you will be pooping out?

This drives me crazy. Also, being gluten free everything is twice as much money. It's a very big frustration for me.

Someone tell me why, because I'm intolerant of certain food, I have to suffer the price?

Food allergies/ intolerances do not only effect rich families. They have no social conscience.

I know that this is the same for diabetics and the like. It's just been really striking me lately that it's completely unfair and a HUGE form of discrimination.

I'm sorry I'm just pissed right this very moment that if you WANT to get healthy in this world you have to have money in order to do so.

It's yet another way we are moving further and further from the democracy we were founded on.

I'm disgusted.

K

59 & 58

Ugh sooooooo lol I've clearly forgotten to write again. I'm kind of down to writing every other day.

I've been thinking about it and really it's not a bad idea to continue doing this until. Ashley's wedding next year. Might hold me accountable.

I've got less than one year to lose another 50lbs. Not sure that's even possible.

That is however my goal.

Maybe smoother skin, and just better health in general.

61 & 60

Ever wonder what you're doing? I do ALL the time. Then I go through periods where I think I don't care. I'm making my way and doing the best I can.

I'm making the best of my situation. I'm playing the hand I'm dealt. And yes, I realize that I'm mixing analogies there. lol

I have a little less than 2 months to lose the remaining 10 lbs to actually REACH the goal I set for myself. I really didnt think I could do it, but now I really feel like I should keep trying.

10 lbs in 60 days?!?! Come on KRISTI you can freakin' do it!!!!


Keep your fingers crossed for me.


K

63 & 62

Okay, Emperor of the Universe, you can take this ear infection any time.


Please and thanks


Cheers,
Kristi

64

Don't really have a lot to say, so I'm going to share a song I'm in love with. :)

For some reason Blogger wouldn't let me upload the video I WANTED to upload from youtube so I'm just gonna link to it.

Oh Adam Levine, why you so sexy?!

Here's the better video right HERE!!

Kristi

66 & 65

Was feeling too crappy last night. So, I forgot to post.

Ear is killing me. Not really looking forward to the next couple of months of work.

Blah and blah.

On a brighter note, I got some castile soap today, and I'm going to be trying out some home remedies for cleaning supplies. Perhaps then I will actually clean?


Who knows....?

Luv Yas,
Kristi

67

I just don't want her to end up like Sarah Braverman. Is that such a bad thing?

It's interesting. Its almost like the world would like you to think that you can't make it on an income of bar tips, but the reality my friends, is a completely different story.

If you're talented and willing to do it, you can be quite well-off.


Sad sad state of affairs.

68

I swear the more I try to get healthy the more I feel sick? It's almost like the beginning of the year again, where I was so sick for months that I didn't know what to do with myself.

My body is falling apart. There aren't a whole lot of good parts of me left. My teeth situation is quite frightening actually.

I think it's time to seriously consider getting them completely redone. I think maybe I should actually take a serious interest in my mouth for a little while. What do you think?


Yay? Nay? Hmmmm

Things to consider.


Cheers,
Kristi

68 & 67

Oh Rick Riordan, you are a joy!!


Thanks,
Kristi

69

Is anyone reading this? Most likely not, but on December 11, 2012 I will be going through this blog to see if ice actually made any progress this year, as a person.

I can't believe how close the day is coming.

70

All this information out there. Some of it makes a lot of sense. Others just don't.

I know good and damn well that medications save lives. If it weren't for antibiotics, I would be one huge bucket of strep throat. It's just that these things make sense to me.

If we continue to eat garbage, our bodies will continue to produce garbage. Even more, that garbage will fester in our bodies, produce landfills inside that we can never get rid of.

I am not a scientist. I am not a doctor. I am not even what you could consider well informed. I've preferred to hide my head in the sand of my life and go day to day as though this life is one to waste. I have such a huge fear of death that this just scares me. I can't even think of it or I start to get sick to my stomach. My life isn't what I thought it would be.

It's not going to change. I'm never going to be famous and rich. I'm not even going to be the girl who's married to the sexy guy and has a beautiful family.

It's so hard to be me in my head. We all go through things and everyone has something that someone else wants. It's just one of those things about life.

I know I covet. But why? Because I'm unhappy. I'm doing my damnedest to get to a point where this isn't my dominant emotion. That's what a lot of this year has been about. It's been about me deciding who I'm going to be. It maybe just about finding out who I will be and what I'll stand for.

I have gifts. I know I do. I just need to find them again.

To anyone out there just muddling through trying to figure out your life, keep trying. If there's hope for me then there is hope for you.

All my love,
Kristi

71

Avengers is SUCH A GREAT MOVIE!

Just wanted to share.

73 & 72

My friend and her husband were in a bad ATV accident Friday night early Saturday Morning. The rhino flipped over on top of her and her husband.

She has 43 staples in her head and a pretty banged up arm.

Her husband basically shattered his arm.

I cannot say this enough, please please do not drink and drive. Please do not operate recreational vehicles without proper attire. It's insanity.

She is happy to be be alive and I believe lucky to be alive.

Kiss your loved ones, take that second to acknowledge your life and those that matter to you.

K

74

I was jumbled last night and didnt feel good so I forgot to post.

I got pulled over for not having currents tags on my car. Sooooo my message today is to make sure you get those before they are completely expired.


Cheers and G'day.


I'll hopefully be writing more later.

75

Okay Gluten Free friends!!!!

I've got a bit of a Breaking News NEWSFLASH!!!!

I've discovered some good gluten free bread!!!!

Yes, you heard that right. Gluten Free, good and bread all in the same sentence!!


Best gluten free bread so far!! The baguettes, which come in a two pack at my local Hy-Vee, are really very good.




I just made my first sandwich with them. I cut one of the baguettes in half, put the extra back in an airtight package in the fridge and heated the remaining half in a 400 degree over for 5 minutes.

It was sweet, bready goodness. I made a ham sandwich with some real butter and lettuce. I truly enjoyed it. Other things I've tried, I basically convince myself it tastes good when it really doesn't.

This actually tastes good. I could see myself making bruschetta with this as well. So, I'm kinda stoked.

So, thanks Schar, I am doing a non-standard, somewhat off-kilter review of almost all your products and so far I'm not disappointed. My sister usually goes with me to help me on my gluten way, and she likes the way this brand looks as well. She doesn't necessarily taste test the things, but she gets a full review from me.

The brand's packaging is aesthetically pleasing as well. ( Or so she always tells me ☺)


Cheers,
Kristi

Happy Bread Eating my Gluten-Free Compatriots!!!!

76

I hate expectations. I have outlandish ones, but I HATE EXPECTATIONS... Ugh so annoying

77

I've really been in the mood to research getting healthier. The journey of 2012 has been interesting. Full of self-discovery and hooey. hahah I don't really have anything else to call it.

I like to believe that I can trust myself and my gut instincts. A lot of things I've read give just that impression of HOOEY, I tend to stray from those ideas. a friend of mine said the truth, "I think there is probably some logic to the basic premise of eating healthier will make you healthier."

That's just it, isnt it? If you actually treat your body like a temple then doesn't it correlate that the temple will be stronger? That you will be taken care of as a well-cared for temple?


I know I know, I'm crazy and what proof do i have to offer that I'll be living this life? I can only say that I hope in the next few years that I'll change my life, and the life of my son.


:)

Cheers,
Kristi

78

My how time flies. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Ive had to believe that with everything that has gone on in my life.

I also believe in karma, which is funny because I'm pretty sure that's why te bad things have happened.

I was told once that we all grieve our twenties when really we should be thankful because we spend our twenties searching for things we don't find until our thirties.

I dunno it stuck with me. So, I guess I'm hoping my life changes a whole lot on the next few years.

Cheers,
Kristi

80

I've had the past on my mind a LOT lately. Can't quite seem to shake the memories I thought I'd long forgotten.

I can't decide if my subconscious is slowly "flashing" my life before my eyes because I'm not going to be around soon and so I'm remembering a lot of things I actually wish I could forget. Or perhaps my heart and mind are more in synch than I thought and the approach of D-Day 2012 is really getting in there and playing tricks with my mind.

All year I've done nothing but talk about how much I want to change my life and here I am stuck in the same spot, but at the same time perhaps I'm not stuck.

I think a lot of things I've learned are that it's a state of mind as well as its a physical change. I've convinced myself that I don't need Mt Dew, and I know that is always my fallback answer, but the truth is it was VERY hard for me to give that up, and yet I did it.

Soooooooooo I've convinced myself that I like salad, even though in reality I can't stand them. So, I'l eat them. I am currently taking a hiatus from candy as well. It's halloween time and I've really been craving sweets lately, but NO CANDY!!!


So, who knows. Perhaps 2012 will actually be the complete and total year of change for me after all.


Love,
Kristi

I know NO ONE is reading this, but just to be on the safe side. HELLO Random viewers!!!!

81

I am soooo tired.

Had horrible nightmares last night. I woke up crying and scared.

I need a vacation..


K

82

Life could be a changing.

I need a good positive change.

Hmmmm

83

Missed a day. I'm sure no one is surprised.

Gonna be broke for awhile. Gotta figure out what to do.


I can do this!!!!

84

Ugh it's days like today that make me wish I didn't care.

86 & 85

Apparently I forgot to post last night. Had Wyatt's little birthday gathering at my Gramma's. I think I was just distracted. I was thinking about something today and this is what came out of my mouth. It's about weight loss vs. weight gain and the constant struggle to modify both.

"Well, it's kind hard to explain because for the most part, extra weight gain is gradual. It's like over a period of 5 years. Then you wake up one day and realize that you've gained 30 pounds, or 50 or you wake up 8 years later and realize you've gained 100.

A lot of people don't really understand this, or obesity or just being overweight. They assume it's all the person's fault and I would agree that we choose what we put in our mouths and all that, but for some people weight gain isn't even an option and they can eat whatever they want. It's weird.

Anyhow, my whole point is that a lot of times weight gain is gradual and over a long period of time, so to my way of thinking the loss should be gradual as well. In order to do it right and healthy you have to monitor what you are doing.

I know that sometimes people go on diets, or whatever and they lose a LOT of weight really fast. Some of those people keep it off and keep it off well, most however struggle with ballooning. Humans like instant gratification and that's a HUGE part of our problem. But seriously it took you 30 years to get where you're at, you have to give your body some time to adjust and accommodate."


In essence what I was trying to say here, and what I think I was doing is preaching to myself. Weight gain isn't instantaneous in MOST cases. I cannot say that for all because there are many, many exceptions to that rule. However, if you've beeen overweight all of your life and you are say...33. You've been gradually adding that weight for 33 years. So to imagine that you will lose it in a healthy way in less than 1 year, is just unrealistic. It's also unhealthy.

Now, what do I know about being healthy? To be honest, not a whole damn lot. So, really no one should listen to me at all. I can only tell you what my opinion and my experience has been.


Every single person is different and reacts difterently to different things. Just listen to your body, mind and heart when you make a decision to attempt to change your life. Keep a couple of things in mind.

1. You ARE stronger than you think. You can give up that soda or cookies or whatever your vice is.
2. You SHOULD discuss it with your doctor and discuss what are your hopes and goals. The doctor (PCP) is a great resource for many different reasons.
3. No one can force you to get healthy, quit doing something, or change your habits. I learned the seriously hard way that it always has to be YOUR choice or you wont be committed to it.

Anyhow, just my thoughts for today.


Kristi

87

Can I please win the lottery? I'd appreciate it.

Thanks so much!

Kristi

88

Today is Wyatt's birthday. 8 years ago today at exactly 5:17am my baby was born. Oh how the times have changed. Oh how things are different. It's funny how I thought things were going to be, and in reality how they've actually turned out.

Life goes on and changes and evolves and devolves. I wouldn't really say it's always evolving because so many things point toward going back or backward.

Suffice it to say that my son turns 8 today and I am getting very very old.

For him and for me I need to really make changing my life a big focus. I seriously need to consider my options here. Possibility of being pre-diabetic is not something I want to have on the table. I've made this many changes and this many leaps. I think it's time to make a few more.


Cheers,
Kristi

89

Got my blood test results today. I might be prediabetic. It's so depressing.

I thought I did everything right. I thought that by being healthier this year I would actually change my life.
Turns out that my glucose actually went up one point, and my good cholesterol went down 10 points!

I mean what the hell is that!?!?

So, what are my options here? I guess I need to try harder. So frustrated.

I don't know if I should just try another experiment or what? Month without sugar? Month without sweets? What do I do?

I already knew that I wasn't healthy I just thought it would be better. Makes me sad.

90-Mt Dew

Just realized today that I've been Mt.Dew free since May 9, 2012. Over 4 months of NO Mt.Dew in this system of mine.

That's kinda crazy!!!

91, 90

Well, I skipped a day. Who's surprised? Anyone? Oh that's right no one is reading. Okay well good, I skipped a day because once again I forgot.

Couple things...I feel SOOO fat today it's kind of ridiculous. I can't hardly stand it. I wish this would all stop. I'm not eating unhealthy. I'm trying my damnedest actually to BE healthier.

booooooooooooooooooooo


Another thing, I want to feel BETTER. I don't have my car back yet, could've had it today, but they still needed to do something with the back door. So, I'll have my car back tomorrow.

It's not the same. It looks like it was hit. Makes me sad. Soooo moving on. In an attempt to change myself even more, i've been trying some new hairstyles. Curls and such, I'm now going to attempt a sock bun...not sure when but I will be attempting it.

Here's a link:

http://pinterest.com/pin/123497214752223644/

92-2:Skin Regiment Intrigue

Just remembered I hadn't posted this link from the other day. Everyone should give this a try!!!

The person who wrote this article really put a lot of trouble into it. I LOVE the way its been making my skin feel.


click here

93,92

Closer and closer the day approaches. Closer and closer and closer.....I can actually feel 30 now. I'm no longer IN my twenties. I can feel that tension and oldness as the time passes.

I can't believe how fast the year has gone by. I started this blog just to keep track, and to try to keep a promise to myself. Well, the picture you see here shows I have indeed, NOT cut my hair. Holy CROW is it long.

I did give up Mt Dew, I lost a few pounds. I dunno, was it worth it? Have I accomplished enough to actually say I've accomplished something? Have I changed at all? I've had a few epiphanies along the way and they have changed me and the way I think.

I'm actually trying my damnedest to eat a little better. I definitely can see the benefits of some healthier eating habits. I know that my body is just NOT doing so great and to be honest it's been screaming at me for years to get better. It's funny to me how bad it all really is. I think that's the main reason I avoid the doctor so much, because they always tell me how messed up I am and how it's like a medical miracle that I'm up and about walking around. Honestly Doc, I just deal.

I'm going to this chiropractor now that seems just amazed at how messed up my body is, he remarks on how bad I am all the time and how they maneuvers he does on me are like those they use on old people. I know right? how complimentary is THAT?

Well, anyhow. I feel it creeping up on me. I've been trying really hard this year and I'm starting to feel that is going to have to suffice. I don't think the 30 lb goal is going to happen. I'm  holding steady at 15-20. Here's the deal, I HAVE to lose at least 50 lbs by Ashley's wedding. I absolutely refuse to be her fat friend in those wedding pictures. I cannot handle it if I am forever immortalized in pictures of her wedding day as the fat girl with huge tits. I just can't have it.

Perhaps I'll have to continue this blog into next year. So 365 up to 30 and the first 365 after? I dunno what do you think? Obviously I haven't exactly kept up with this.. I've tried as hard as I can to post every day, but I just forget. I'm terrible with this stuff. I have so many people telling me that I should be a write but the truth is I'm better at speeches. lol

Anyhow,  I'm done for today. Sorry again for lacking the ability to write in here every day.

Side Note: I've been doing the honey thing for a week and it has definitely made my skin softer. I've been having my friend Ashley try it too and she reports softer skin, not less breakouts yet, but definite softer skin. I'll keep you posted.


Cheers,
Kristi

97, 96,95,94

Went to Chicago forgot to post. I really had a decent time. I enjoy sharing that stuff with my son. I hope some day he will see the world :)

98

Driving around in a 2012 Suburban. SOOO crazy. It actually makes me want to buy a HUGE truck or something.

I'm bigger than everyone else, and really it's pretty freakin' cool. I told my Dad it's kind of like driving a Semi. hahah

I miss my car being in good shape. I'm more worried than I can say that I'm going to get it back and it's going to be all wrong. It's not going to be how it was before. It's just going to be awful. I've been so mad about this whole situation and I feel like I have every right to be. It really depresses me that it wont ever be the same again. I am paying SOOO much money for this car it breaks my heart to think that I'll be paying for it another 4 years and it'll be not worth it.

So, for the first time in my life, I may actually consider trading in my vehicle. Probably wont be able to as my credit blows massive chunks, but oh well right?


Wyatt's birthday trip is this coming Saturday and I have literally NO money. I'm broke, I'm mad and I dont' want to be in a BAD mood for his trip.

It NEEDS to go well. It needs to be a good day with little to no yelling. I just want to enjoy myself.


Sigh

k

99

Sick of it

100

It's funny to me, for some reason, that my 100 days falls on Labor Day. Perhaps because I've been "laboring" all year to get better. Or because it's been a labor to get this far.

I forgot to mention that I've started a skin care regimen. I'm going to give it a two week trial. I don't have the link available right here but when I get on my computer I'll add it.

It's raw honey. Apparently it has a million antibiotic properties. Also you can add baking soda and powdered oats.

So far it makes my skin feel really good.

I'll keep you informed

101

People are idiots. Did you know that? I'm sorry if you're offended by that statement and consider yourself to be in the "people" category.

I know and firmly believe that everyone has their own opinion. I also know that I tend to be a very passionate person about my own ideas and views. ( Or at least, that's what I've been told) :)

I just wish that as a general rule people would think before they speak. They annoy me.

I gained 5 lbs. Five Freaking LBS. What the hell is wrong with me that I cant seem to get  healthy? I've got 100 days left of this year, OH HOW FAST the time has gone. I've accomplished what could be considered a LOT but in reality I still really feel like a failure. I just want to be smaller and prettier and healthier. I want to have no gray/white hairs, no wrinkles and less cellulite. I think it's a perfectly reasonable request to have these things.

I put my self and my life on  hold to do what I thought was right at the time, and I've been stuck in a vortex of doubt, worry, stress and hazy ideas ever since. I thought that making this statement would bring me back into a reality of Kristi and perhaps I'd find a little bit more of myself this year and what I actually want to do with my life.

For some reason, I'm still feeling blah about everything. Now it almost seems like things are worse. I just keep wanting more and more with no ideas on how to get them, or with any acceptance of what I already DO have.

Just as a reminder to myself:

I can see. Maybe my eyes hurt and I complain, but I can read what I'm typing. I can see my son's face when I look at him. Not everyone is so lucky.

I have a roof over my head.

I have a car.

It runs.

I have a job.

I have food in my house, might not be exactly what I want, and it might not even taste all that great, but there's food. There's something that I can cook and put in my mouth to fill my belly.

I can hear. Without music and the ability to hear it, I think my life would be over.

I have the most wonderful family anyone could ask for. If I didnt see or speak to my mom every single day, I wouldn't know how to live my life.

I know that if I start to fall, I have a place to go where someone will not only CATCH me, they will carry me if I need them to do so.

My son gets enough food. More than actually.

I have great toys and a few really great friends. I'm good with that only adding up on one hand.

I know what I need to do to get my life back on track here people, I think it's just the missteps along the way that are holding me up.  I need to give up one certain bad habit and I just CANT seem to do it. I need to stop eating candy or anything of the sort. Chocolate is NOT good for you. Not in the excess that I always seem to end up eating it anyways.

KRISTI!! Pay attention here. You NEED to do something. 5lb gain is unacceptable. If you gain one more pound, you're most likely going to spiral into the abyss of depression that you can NOT afford to spiral into. GET HEALTHY. Figure it out for God's sake.

With Love,
Kristi

102

Ugh I hate my karma.

Love Adele.
Love my sister.
Love my Ashley.

Blah

103

Can't post this on Facebook, too many people would be offended. So I'm posting it here. :)

Just an FYI: I don't begrudge you your beliefs. I begrudge you, the PURPORTED beliefs that you choose to utilize only when it suits your purposes. So, unless you are 100% invested in what you believe, and to be honest I can only name a few people that are, don't share them and dont spout them to me because they will be met with blatant disregard and dismissal.

104

Can I PLEASE catch a break? PLEASE!!!!!

106 &105

I need to get myself and my son healthy. Seriously people. We cannot go through life like this. I feel like Wyatt is getting bigger and bigger before my eyes, and it's not in a good way.

I gained like 5 pounds according to my doctor's scale and that just sucks.

What the hell do I do? I make excuses for this all the time but what the hell am I supposed to do?

Here I am running headlong into 30 and everything I thought I'd have accomplished definitely is NOT accomplished.

I truly feel like a failure. I know that this is an awful way to judge myself, but the reality here is that if you cant be hard on yourself then you have no right to be hard on anyone else.

I want so badly to not look at myself and think only about how fat I am. I want to look at myself and not think about those huge rolls of back fat. Or perhaps how about looking in the mirror and not seeing every single bad thing that's wrong with me?

Yes yes, women's body image, all bad blah blah blah. Well, that's all good and well, but that doesn't mean I don't know exactly how I look. I know how wide I am. I know that when I sit down my stomach is huge. I know my hair is thinning which just freaks me the EFF out.

What am I supposed to do here people? I'm literally falling apart. I've cut gluten out of my life and that has made a huge difference, but seriously it's also depressing. Gluten free alternative products are SOOOO expensive. Scratch that, healthy ANYTHING is expensive. Color me depressed.

On the countdown here, almost at 100 days and you know what. I'm just about ready to call it quits.

K

107

Okay, so am I moving into the healthy land or am I still stuck in modern bad habits?

I WANT things to be different. I've been trying and trying for months now to change my life. It was supposed to be a good year for change. All signs pointed to a good year for making such important changes to my life.

I'm still fat. I've lost 20 lbs but I still feel very failure-esque. I just are about 12 laffy taffys. Blah. So. Annoyed.

I am trying a new hairstyle though, pin curls, I've got about 10 in my hair right now. Gonna sleep in them and see how they look in the morning.

Love this website and pretty much everything on it

Pinupgirlclothing.com

Wish I was shaped a little different so I could wear all of them.

Sigh

Happy Sunday

108

Hate that the beginning of this song is cut off. But I just felt like sharing.

110 & 109

I can feel myself settling into depression. I can't figure out what's going on.

Sigh

112 & 111

See, I suck. Forgot again. One of the biggest lies people tell you?

Money doesn't buy happiness.

This is a LIE.

Just wanted to share.

113

Monday Monday Monday. Oh how I hate you.

This song has been grabbing my attention lately. I love me some Adam Levine. Cuz he so sexy.

mmm mmmm


Enjoy!

114-Song

Every time I hear this song, it just makes me sigh. It's a truly beautiful song.

Enjoy.

115 &114

So, is it that I've just forgotten my promise to myself or that I just don't care anymore?

I'm honestly not sure. I'm engrossed in day to day life and yet not engrossed. I don't really have a desire to do much of anything. I really feel that both Wyatt and myself need to do SOMETHING more to get healthier. I just don't think I can take feeling like crap anymore.

It's depressing.

So, I think I'm just going to post a song on here fo rthe next week. Maybe then I'll actually remember to post every day.


Cheers,
Kristi

120,119,118,117,116

Okay,

I've not only fallen off the wagon, I've inexcusably just screwed up. I can't believe I JUST now realized I havent written on here for days. DAYS AND DAYS!!!!

I was in a Car accident on Saturday which you should know because my last post was on Sunday. It's been an absolute mess. Dealing with the insurance has been ridiculous and dealing with me being frustrated was just as bad.

I now have a rental, my second mind you, and it's much better. I'm currently driving a Hyundai Sonata and I actually really like it. It's smooth and comfortable. NOT the Cube, but it's alright. :)

Wyatt had his first day of school Thursday and it seemed OK, not fantastic, but ok.

I got another spot award SO cool. I'm so excited that I've been getting those. It's awesome!!!

And yet, still totally broke. Hating life. Hating Gluten.

BLAH

More later

123, 122, 121

Well, It's getting worse and worse here. I KNOW I made the stupid promise to write every day and the truth is I have tons I could write about and say, but I just don't have the motivation.

Okay, so I've officially lost 20lbs since December 11th 2011. That's my biggest news...oh wait no it isn't.

Guess what I did last night? I saw 15, that's right 15 meteors!!! Karrie and Mark and I went out to the middle of nowhere and saw 15 shooting stars. I just think it was so incredibly cool. I made my quota of wishes.

Now, that the good news. The bad news...I got into a car accident yesterday. Some idiot kid rear-ended me on 23rd avenue and 41st street in Moline. I was sitting, STOPPED, waiting for a guy in front of me to turn and SQQQUEEEEEALL SCCREEECH BAM!!!!

Rammed into like a hammer. I was so freakin' shaky. It frustrates me. I'm devastated really. My new car. First car I got on my own. My little Nissan Cube. I freakin' LOVE that car. I love it, and now it'll never be the same again. Not ever. I'm like seriously devastated. :(

I have the worst karma. I really do. My sister says I killed Jesus, because no one could have as bad of Karma as I have without having done some sort of terrible awful thing in her past. Honestly, if this life is any indication...I most likely will not have a better life my next go-round either.

So, to recap. miserable, now in PAIN. Neck, shoulders, back head, legs. SOOOO achy. This week is going to suck sideways and I have no car and BLAH!!!!

124

Song Pop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol I'm officially addicted to social media games I think I may have a problem… But, that's okay.

So, I weighed myself again this week.I am still under that crazy weight that I keep thinking that it's a fluke.I just don't know. I haven't changed anything, I mean obviously I'm still not drinking Mountain Dew.I am not eating that much because hello broke as a joke.

I just find it odd. All that effort to eat healthier, drink healthier. All that jazz and when I give up? I lose 5lbs.

I'm actually almost at 20 lbs lost. I only need to lose 10 more pounds and I can chop off my awful hair!!! AND I'd I lose the 10 lbs before my birthday I will have met at least one of my goals this year. Whoo hoooo!!!!

Soooooo people keep your damn fingers crossed, cuz I really need to lose 50 before Ashley's wedding and I have a year for that. I can do it. I KNOW I can.

I am not going to be her fat friend. I'm just not. I want to be something completely different. I don't even mind your fiend with big boobs. I just don't want to be the fat one.

So, onward we go. No Mt Dew.

Cheers,
Kristi

126 & 125

Weight? Why?

Oh I know, because I can't make myself be healthy. I just NEED to be healthy!!!!


BLAH

129, 128, 127

Soooo........ just out of curiousity I Googled how many days until Dec 11th, 2012. Um somehow I missed 4 days of posting. I really thought I was at least on track. Well, I'm not.

How would you like to find out that there are actually four days shorter until you turn 30? WOW this year has gone by fast.

SHITTY!!!

Color me disgusted in myself.

So, I suck. We already knew that. I'm just gonna post a song I'm currently in love with by one of the best groups I've ever had the pleasure of listening to!!

Pentatonix!!
Enjoy the beauty that is PTX.

Cheers,
Kristi

131 & 130

Do I suck? Yes, yes at it happens I do. Man, I'm telling you I knew that keeping up with this thing would be difficult and of course, it has been, but we are dwindling down here folks.

I've got 130 days until D-Day and I've just fallen off the wagon. I want to not care anymore, everything I've been trying and trying to do for months and no results.

It's that whole big cosmic joke thing again.

I'm going to try to keep doing this. After all, I made a damn promise and a deal with myself. Soooooo
Onward ho!!!

K

132

I wish autumn would hurry up and get here.

I miss the smell and the feel of Autumn.

Still lost that pound btw which I think is crazy, honestly it's some sort of trick of my body just to make me think I'm doing better.

Will keep you posted.

Cheers

133-2

Why can't I read? I've been reading almost my whole life and I've loved it from the very beginning but I just can't seem to get up the energy to do it anymore.

I still have a book that is part of my series, no desire to read it. I'm in a funk, I know that but why is the funk taking away my reading.

I blame the tv shows I watch. I am seriously CRAVING to watch some Vampire Diaries again, who wouldn't want to stare at Ian Samerholder? HELLOOOOO Can you say sexy as hell?

but I just can't seem to find the desire to sit and read a book. Old or new. I'm sad and depressed wtih myself. ugh

I also fell off the wagon and had some gluten. I paid the price for sure, but the food was sooooo good.

Lou Malnati's pizza and Tiramisu.

UGh but definitely once again confirming that gluten is my Enemy #1.


So, again with the schizo stuff. I think I've just been off my game lately. I want a fresh start.

Here's hoping I stop being broke, stop being sad, stop being fed up and start being rich, happy and content!!

Cheers,
Kristi

134 & 133

I need a vacation. Honestly, you would never know that there are soooo many stupid people in the world.

I've been interviewing candidates to help with my work and I swear none of them can even say two words without saying "um."

I know that being nervous makes things difficult sometimes, but seriously people?

p.s. somehow I lost a pound? Not sure how...

135-2

Sometimes I swear I am paranoid schizophrenic. It's weird. I've just this little niggle. It's there for a reason. I don't have these niggles for the hell of it, but they make me look crazy.

I think I have issues. Oh wait...I KNOW I have issues.

I HATE BEING ME!!!

136 & 135

Went to Schaumburg yesterday with Ashley . Had the best day.

I forgot how fun it is to laugh and smile

138 & 137

Sometimes, I think my mind and my heart do stupid things. I should NOT desire certain things, and yet I find myself attracted. Why IS that?!?!?


I am NEVER, repeat NEVER getting married. I've really decided that this weekend. I'll do whatever I want with whoever I want whenever I want and not feel bad about it.

The End,
Kristi

139

Summer Olympics: boy do I wish I was in London!!!

140

Just FYI I feel like crap. Been fighting something for months.


Blah

141-Top 10 Products/Items that have Gotten me Through Being Gluten Free

I have been gluten free for almost 9 months. I've been DILIGENTLY gluten free for almost 8. I'm not sure if I feel righteous about that or depressed? lol

I'd just like to share on here a couple of really great products that have at one point or another gotten me through the GF haze of missing glutenous foods I consumed in bulk. Let me just be as clear as glass here, I am not and haven't ever been a healthy eater. You couldn't even put me in the same hemisphere as a healthy eater, so not only was I forced to give up gluten, but also somewhat forced to attempt to adapt a healthier lifestyle and eating habits. I ate out or didnt eat at all 3-5 times a week. Just to give you some background. So, if you came looking for healthy foods that got me through gluten withdrawals you've come to the wrong place.  Okay moving on....

These are not in any particular order:

1. Bob's Red Mill Pizza Crust Mix. This was the second or third pizza crust mix I'd tried. I have to say that pizza is my absolute favorite food. I like soooo many different varieties and it's one of the things I miss the MOST about being gluten free. I've found that the GF alternatives from popular restaurants just do not cut the mustard. Making my own has been okay. Not the same as getting Harris pizza for sure, but still it's pretty good. Makes decent breadsticks too!! If you want to find more BRM products look here. They have a fantastic line endorsed greatly by Babycakes NYC in their cookbooks. Can't get much higher praise than that.


2. Domata Living Flour Pizza Crust Mix. While I love Bob's Red Mill PCM, the one thing I got spoiled on with Domata, was that I didnt have to add anything but water. I mean...it was soooo enticing to not have to add eggs, yeast and wait and all that stuff. I used it to make little chedar garlic biscuits and it was YUMMY!!! I really really like all the Domata products. All gluten free. The packages don't look like this picture exactly, but I couldnt find an example of the bags I buy online. Might snap a picture and post it later. If you want more information on Domata Living Flour click here.

3. This one is a semi-new discovery but when I really just want a mindless snack it seems to work and who knew? It's kind of nostalgic too!! Mike and Ikes!!! Yep, you read that right. FANTASTIC and sometimes it even makes me feel NOT so weird. :)

4. Corn Tortillas. Yes, I know you can get them in any brand, but as everyone seems to be able to point out I'm brand loyal, and so I use Mission White corn. They cook up very nice and taste fantastic!! I will admit that I'm a bit sick of tacos at this point in my gluten free journey, but I'll still eat them if someone puts them in front of me.

5. Corn and Rice Chex. Now let me tell you something. I was NOT a breakfast eater before GF and I was also NOT a cereal eater. However, I think sometimes being GF makes me crave sweets. I never really did before. So, perhaps its the lack of all that sugar in breads? I dunno, maybe I should look into it, but anyhow that's beside the point. I've found that the naturally Gluten Free cereals Corn and Rice chex with Cold milk and two teaspoon of sugar goes down very smooth when I just feel hungry. I mean starving. (another side effect I've noticed of GF I'm hungry ALL THE DAMN TIME) You can find ALL General Mills products here, or just go to your local grocer and I bet they have it as well.

6. Ruffles Original. Oh Ruffles how I love thee. I am a champion snacker, I always have been hence the extra 75lbs, but let me tell you about the moment I realized Ruffles Original were gluten free. I was in Sam's with my sister reading the label and found that brilliant flashing sign on the bag that said "GLUTEN FREE!!" Okay, it didnt really but it sure felt like it. These chips are salty and chippy and yummy and they don't cost any more than NORMAL people food. It made my day. Cheers to Frito-Lay company. You can read more about all their products here, there are actually quite a few snacky type foods that are good to go. Perhaps NOT for Celiacs as their restrictions are more stringent, but for a typical Gluten intolerant person there don't seem to be any adverse effects.

7. Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Believe what you want about her. Think what you will about her publicity and her opinions on The View, but I am so thankful and grateful to her for going public with her condition and bringing so much information and knowledge to my life. I LOVE her GF cookbook and couldn't be happier with all the recipes I've made from it.  This cookbook really is great. She has great ideas, anecdotes and just seems really really genuine in her crusade to help people with this problem. It's also because of her that my Gramma hopped on board and really has tried to make sure I'm ok. So, I guess Thanks Elisabeth for helping to help me change my life.



8. Smoothies. I don't really have a picture or a specific brand. I've just developed a taste and a need for Fruit smoothies. I use OJ, strawberries, bananas, blueberries etc etc. I throw them in the blender add some ice and away I go. I've noticed it really seemed to add to my diet and in my quest to give up MT DEW I needed something. It really worked.

9. Gluten Free Pretzels. Any brand will do, but I'm in LOVE. Gluten free pretzels dipped in cream cheese is sooooooooooooooooo yummy and Kraft is so fantastic about labeling all their allergens on their packaging. LOVE Kraft!!! ( Brand loyalty once again, but for a really great reason)

10. Brown Minute Rice. Let me just tell you something. I think I've gone through about 35 boxes of this stuff in the past 9 months. I wont use the white rice because I"ve convince myself that the brown rice is so much better. Anyhow, it's sooooo versatile. I've learned how to make this chicken and rice dish served at a local Mexican Restaraurant, my own version of Spanish Rice, Tomato-cream rice. Chicken and Rice, Hamburger and rice you name it and it can go with rice. Stir-fry and rice. The possibilities are endless and when you are starving it's handy that Minute helps out us lazy people with their products. Please for the love of God and all that's holy go out and buy a million boxes and enjoy enjoy enjoy. Go here for more information. You can buy it at almost every grocer.





So, there's 10 items that have gotten me through the beginning of this journey and through to the middle. My only hope was to show that, if it helps even ONE new GF person then my work  here is done.

Love you all and hope you're on your way to get some Minute Rice at the very least.


Cheers,
Kristi