Most obviously this is a first for me...but I find myself wanting to spew out words more and more often. Odds of anyone ever reading this? Between zip and zilch I'd say, but hey it might make me feel better. Basically, I'm just tired of thinking. All I ever do is think think think. Its next to impossible to shut my mind off. I've realized recently that I've spent pretty much my entire life waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the big "Wow!"
Can I share something with you? It hasnt really happened. Unless you count getting pregnant and birthing a child? I do have one of those. He's five. The love of my life and the bane of my existence. My relationship with my child is like two sides of the same coin. It can be joyous and happy and it can depress the ever-loving daylights out of me.
I always thought my big "Wow" moment would be for singing. Always. All through the years growing up... it never even occurred to me that this might not happen. Everyone always said. "Kristi, you're wonderful. You are GOING places." Yep, I've gone places alright. Debt, debt and more debt. No education. A pion at a desk job. A muted voice in the throng of many. Its so very very sad.
People find out I am a single mother, no husband, never been married. No career. Its demoralizing. So many had high expectations for me. I can honestly say I havent lived up to any of them. Blah. I'd like to write more...but its past my bedtime and I truly need to go to bed. Have to be up in 5 hours. Lets see how this does to curb my bad moods...Til next time.
~Kristi~
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